Answer:
by Kathleen VanKirk: (10/07/2005)
All of us at one point or another have done things in our lives that we later question. Call it regret or simply disappointment with our ability to make decisions -- it happens.
You are brave for fully acknowledging that you have put yourself at risk. Although, the chance of you actually testing positive for HIV is quite low (other factors would need to be in play, STIs etc). I would encourage you not to focus on the number of partners you have had -- many people have numerous partners with very low risk when they're playing safe.
However, part of your responsibility is to get tested and get the results. Face the music not only for yourself but for your partners as well.
Even on the extremely rare chance that you were to test positive, HIV is not the death sentence it once was. The drug regimens developed in the last ten years have been incredibly successful in maintaining and extending the quality of life for those who are HIV positive. Finding out early is a very important component to treatment.
Regardless, your behavior is obviously making you unhappy. Since, I believe it's unreasonable for you to impose a "no sex" rule, you just need to learn to be more assertive in your safer sex practices. Talking to someone in the field of sexual health could really help. Perhaps making an appointment with a clinical Sexologist could assist you in developing better sexual coping skills, in addition to addressing you self esteem issues and getting over the "shame". More than shame you should feel quite proud of your desire get real with your sexual history. Making conscious decisions about you sexuality is the best gift you can give yourself and your partners.
Copyright 2005 Libida.com and Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
|
