Answer:
by Melissa BEE: (06/05/2004)
Thank you for asking this important question. I can understand your concern that you may feel that you are behaving like two different people. There is probably something happening for you (whilst in bed asleep at night) on a subconscious level, such as the sound of your wife softly sleeping, the closeness of her presence, the smell of her skin and her hair that is making you aroused. What is of concern to you and your wife is that you are more assertive (perhaps that scares her a little?) and less considerate - not something you would normally do, and perhaps out of character for you. So what to do?
I'm not suggesting that you worry that you are going to turn into a rapist, nor am I going to suggest that you totally ignore it, but as it has happened only twice, it may not happen again, or you may need to prepare for future occurrences in one of two ways.
You can try to prevent it from happening at all. You could take the drastic step of sleeping in separate beds or in separate rooms - but if you are an intimate and close couple, then that isn't an option. That sort of scenario is usually reserved for wives whose husbands snore like trains, or elderly couples who are no longer intimate but choose to stay together under the same roof.
A more workable solution could be for you to work out some sort of 'procedure' for her to 'wake you up' if you start initiating sex. Once you are 'awake' and more aware of what is going on, you can both choose to go back to sleep or to continue on. This might be a lot more desirable than semi-conscious sex where you have no memory of what is going on, and wake up to an unhappy wife. This could also be a way of giving her some control over the situation as well.
Good Luck, and thank you for coming to The Sexual Health Network,
Melissa BEEReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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