Question:
My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. Our sex life in her words has never been more than "ok" but in the last few months the situation has got worse. At present we have neither quantity or quality of love making, and have had various conversations about it with her telling me just how bad it is, how good it was (with a previous partner) and how if it doesn't improve she will have to find a solution "elsewhere". I admit that the problem exists - but until lately whenever I thought about it or talked with her I have not known why. However, I feel threatened by her words and need to solve this problem.
I talked through with her my previous sexual relationships and realized that since the age of 18 when I've been in sexual situations with women I have always "held back" and with only one of the 8 women had penetrative sex. It seems as if there is something in me/ my head, which actually stops me "going ahead and enjoying it all". Can you give me some basic advice regarding how I go about solving this problem? With thanks for your time in reading & possibly replying.
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Answer:
by Rajendra Sathe: (07/10/2004)
It's natural that concerned about your problem. However you have not made your difficulty very clear in your question. Where do things go wrong? You mention of stress in your life and that could a major contributing factor.
Comparing sexual experiences with previous sexual partners always tends to make matters worse and is never encouraged. You need to communicate on the positive issues and find out exactly what your wife wants in sex. For example, does she like oral sex that you find difficult to do?
Your problem regarding 'holding back' needs to be investigated. You need a proper physical examination and psychological evaluation. The best option in your case is to seek help from a sex therapist.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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