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Question:
Hi,
I am an American male living in China and I fell in love with a Chinese girl but we have a problem. I have a larger than normal penis and she is smaller than normal. She is only about four feet 10 inches tall. She is 19 and was a virgin when we met. We have made love many times and are considering marraige. We have been making love about once a week for about six months.
Our worry is that she often has pain because I am too large during intercourse but she insists on making love because I enjoy it. She does not enjoy sex very much.
We are worried that if we were married and had sex often that I would damage her. I could not live with myself if I caused her permanent damage. Our question is, will her body adjust in time, or will she be damaged by more sex?
Thank you for your help.
J.G.
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (06/26/2004)
Hi and thanks for writing in to SexualHealth.com. I apologize for taking so long in getting back to you. I think there are 3 things that, when taken into consideration, can really help your situation. They are: patience, relaxation, and lubrication.
When making love with your girlfriend, try to de-emphasize intercourse. Spend more time focusing on pleasuring her and helping her to accept being pleasured without having to do anything but feel good. Help her to accept her pleasure as being as much a part of your lovemaking as yours is. As she gets aroused, her vagina will become more lubricated. It might be helpful to stimulate her with your finger and, as she gets comfortable with one, insert another. Oral sex is often a good activity for this as well. While stimulating her clitoris and labia with your mouth and tongue, also slide your finger in and out of her vagina. Just like above, as she gets wetter and comfortable accommodating your finger, insert another. Do that until she is comfortable having her vagina penetrated. It's also helpful to work the muscles of the vagina by doing exercises called Kegels (it's like squeezing the muscles to stop the flow when she's urinating) or by inserting a dildo, vibrator, or something comparable (and comfortable) and squeezing it with her vagina. The more toned and in her control those muscles are, the easier it will be to accommodate your penis size.
The vagina is made out of tissue that can stretch enough to allow a baby to pass through (If you're bigger than that, I would suggest an alternative form of sexual pleasure!) Although your penis may seem like it's dramatically larger than her vagina, slow, patient, and relaxing pleasuring can allow her to accommodate you more easily. I do stress the patience in getting to that point, though. I doubt that you could damage her with your penis. Remember too, that you say she was a virgin before becoming involved with you. Obviously there are a lot of things for the two of you to learn about each other sexually and, perhaps, to learn about yourselves individually. Take the time to help her find pleasure in your lovemaking. As long as you work up to her being penetrated, it can become much easier- and more pleasurable for both of you.
I wish you both the best of luck and life.
Larry Siegel
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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