Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
A moral dilemma. OK this is really hard to say, and I'm sick of lying about it constantly.
I have been with my girl friend for 5 months and I fell in love with her about 3 months ago, and she loves me very much and we deciding weather to make love for the first time. I have had sex many times and I know this is her first time but it's not the atual act I'm worried about. And I really wish I lost my virginity to someone I care about as much as she cares for me, but this relationship has been a very big secret from everyone. I'll cut to the chase she is 14 and I'm 19. I never ever said I wanted to make love to her, I only said I would ask her if she wanted to, and if she wanted to and was very sure, I would. I would still love her if she said no and I said it in such I was I was no way forcing her to do anything. But she wants to, really wants to, and the only reason we haven't is because we don't get that much time on our own because of this big secret. We have talked about it very openly, and just recently we have been having phone sex. I visit her very soon and we are both talking a short vacation somewhere for the big event. I don't know how I feel to this. When I get down, I think this is a crush, she is infatuated with me and this is illegal for a good reason and I should wait till she is older, but we might not see each other for a long time after this. Then when I get off the phone with her and hear "age is just a number" ringing in my ears and how much we do love each other, I just feel I think she is ready and to hell to what everyone else thinks.
Please help, what should I do, is age just a number, or is it more important than that.
|
Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: (05/25/2004)
STOP--Don't do it! Age is not just a number! Statuatory rape is real
whether both people call it true love or not. Your girlfriend is
underage, and not just slightly, but A LOT. Age makes a big difference
in terms of a person's ability to give true consent to sexual
relations. The reason we have laws against minors having sex is because
kids are not mature enough to make these decisions. It's usually not
until someone is old enough to vote, that they can begin to understand
and take into consideration possible future repercussions, such as
unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, or the statistically
high likelihood that this relationship will not last.
Even though a lot of teenagers are having sex, the truth is that
many of them are not ready for it. In my practice I hear from many
adults who look back on their teen sexual experiences and feel like they
had sex for all the wrong reasons---it was a sudden impulse, they felt
they had to to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend, or to feel popular, or
prove themselves "with it" in someway. A true love relationship takes a
long time to build---many months, sometimes years. You can enjoy a very
physically affectionate dating relationship, full of healthy sexual
energy, and stop short of actual intercourse--which is against the law
in most states for anyone under 18 years old.
Also, the fact that your relationship is a big secret means that
you sense others will disapprove. Trust your instincts. You obviously
sense there is something wrong with what you are doing. There is.
Secretiveness is not a part of healthy sexual intimacy. You would be
taking advantage of this girl's youthfulness to engage in sex with her.
And, you would be harming yourself, by running the risk of marking
yourself socially for the rest of your life, not as a lover, but, as a
rapist.
-- Wendy Maltz MSWReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
