Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (10/23/2005)
Ok, just to clarify, some people feel it is ok to flirt and send sexually suggestive emails to others even though they are in a relationship. Some people do not feel that behavior is ok, but the main point here is that a decision is reached by the two of the them and it is agreed upon. It sounds like in your relationship, a behavior is taking place that is NOT agreed upon and so I must clearly state that YOU did not do anything to CAUSE your husband to start communicating with this woman. He is actively CHOOSING to behave in this manner. When someone goes outside the relationship in a non consensual manner it usually has to do with they are not getting something they need, but that doesn't mean you CAUSED it. In fact, I bet the problem goes back to him and a lack of communication of what he needs directed towards you.
You are not responsible for how he acts and you say that you keep trying to fiqure out what you have done to cause this behavior. If you keep asking him and he is not responding to your questions in an honest manner, you are doing everything you can be doing to try to fix the problem, but it ulitimately is going to be his decision to talk or not.
Now, where I am concerned is in the following area. People cheat, people flirt we know this. But now it has been addressed, you have asked him to stop communicating with this woman. You have blocked off her email address but she is still coming through AND HE IS STILL COMMUNICATING WITH HER. This is showing a COMPLETE lack of respect towards your feelings. You have asked him to stop contact and he hasn't. Because of this, you are at a crossroads. You can either choose to stay and accept that he will continue to talk with her and keep her photos even though you ask him not to, you can threaten to leave if he has anymore communication with her and suggest counseling to deal with the problems in your relationship, or you can just leave.
The problem is not solely with this woman who will not leave you alone, the problem is with the fact that your husband continues to communicate with her when she contacts him despite your wishes. He will continue to do so if you allow him. So, now it's time to bite the bullet and tell him it's her or you. I wish you luck in this descision, as it will be hard and you should stick to your guns on it, otherwise the behavior will continue. But when a need is expressed by a partner and it is ignored, we are dealing with a lack of respect and that is just not healthy for a relationship. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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