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Question:
when I was seven years old I was sexaly abused by a frind of the falimly. she was in high school. and then My MOM walk in on me masturbating on my badroom bad. With the door closed and did not tap on the door. She just walk in on me nude and masterbating on my bad.from that day and time all I do is masturbate all night long in my bad.
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Answer:
by Melissa BEE: ()
Hello, thank you for your question.
You have brought up two areas of concern; sexual abuse and masturbation.
Firstly, let me reassure you that exploration of your body and masturbation is considered a normal and healthy activity. The problem arises in where and when you do it, and 'getting caught'. Many parents and grandparents came from generations where family problems, mental illness and sexual matters were NEVER discussed openly. Many are of the era when masturbation was considered bad and even evil. When I was a youngster my mother matter-of-factly informed me "only bad little girls do that."
The generation following mine, (people now in their thirties) boys were told that excessive masturbation would make them blind. Strangely, there were no epidemics of youth, struck down by masturbation induced blindness. People were also told other tales about certain activities having bizarre consequences. So people learned that such claims were simply scare tactics, designed to scare youth. It was the parents and grandparents who were scared. Many parents are fearful not of sex but of masturbation, and for some reason, many parents are unable to talk to their children about sexual health and masturbation at all. It could be because of the flow-on effect from their own parents (if your parents openly discussed sex, you will find you will be able to do the same) or another reason is from an absence of available educational material, which is not the case these days. Quite the opposite. There is an abundance of great sexual health books, journals and valuable sources on the internet such as The Sexual Health Network. Attitudes are changing, but change takes time...
In regard to your second query, I have a problem reconciling your question with the age that you state you are (in your additional information), and the manner in which you use grammar, spelling and language, which someone 20 years younger would do. You say you have been sexually abused in a very matter-of-fact way, but then don't expand on that, instead leap into a query about masturbation, as if the two are somehow linked together in your mind. You don't say how this has affected you mentally or physically, if indeed it has at all?. I guess if I could talk to you I'd ask you to explain to me the circumstances, what actually happened, so I could determine whether this was actual abuse or whether it was childhood curiosity and exploration. From the tone of your letter, I get the impression you are more concerned about the issue of masturbation, than of any abuse (real or perceived).
Should there have been an instance/s of abuse, you may need to look at some counselling with someone skilled with childhood sexual abuse issues, to help you work through the process of reliving it, dealing with it, and finally being able to put it to rest. This can take time and you need support and understanding from loved ones, during this time. Particularly if you plan on identifying the abuser. This is not something to take lightly and can have a devastating effect on families. You need to be well informed before you take any action in regard to this matter.
If you need further advice, please feel free to write to us again.
Best Wishes,
Melissa BEE
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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