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Question:
I am a survivor of molestation and am trying to heal from it. I have been aware of the abuse for several years now and want to do some healing. I am still in contact with the abuser and feel very uncomfortable around him, but have nervous and not wanted to create waves in everyone's life, although it has really been a sore spot in my own life as it has hindered on my own development.

Answer:
by Wendy Maltz:
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Get help for yourself and don't have contact with a past abuser unless you feel prepared for it. No one in your family has a right to expect you to maintain contact with another family member who molested you. To recover you need to feel safe. This means having control over if, when and how much contact you have with the perpetrator. You are not to blame for the present situation. Any discomfort family members experience now is the direct result of what the perpetrator did by crossing the line in the past. I suggest that you and other members of your family become more educated about sexual abuse, it's repercussions, and how to heal. Ellen Bass and Laura Davis's book, The Courage to Heal, provides a chapter on how family members can support the healing process.

Reviewed by: Kathleen Scarbo (VanKirk) DHS

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