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Question:
My wife and I have been married for 8 years now, with two children ages 6 & 7.
It seems after our kids been born, my wife has lost her sex drive. I am
wanting to have sex with her everyday if we could, but there are always excuses
and just not in the mood. I am always in the mood, but I am feeling my wife
does not want to have sex as much, and does not want to experience different
positions. I am feeling rejected, and have such a strong sex drive, that it is
driving me crazy, that I need to go and masturbate. What is the problem with me
or with my wife, or both of us? Before we got married, we were having sex at
least 3 times a week or more! Now I'll be lucky if I have sex with her twice a
month!
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Answer:
by Yvonne Fulbright: ()
I can understand your frustration with your sex life, and quite honestly a simple answer from an on-line sex educator is not going to be the solution you're looking for. What you and your wife need to do is communicate about what's going on, and if that doesn't work or has been tried, you need to seek out a sex therapist who can act as a mediator in getting to the root of the problems in your sex life. To locate a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists webwite at: www.aasect.org.
Your wife's low sexual desire could be due to any number of things:
- stress & fatigue
- medications, including oral contraceptives and antidepressants
- fear of intimacy
- depression
- sexual abuse
- anxiety
- relationship problems
- hormonal imbalances
- illness or injury
- adultery
- financial problems
- death of someone she cares about
It sounds like she might be dealing with some personal issues about messages she received about sex growing up as well.
Regardless of why she's having sexual/intimacy problems, you obviously have sexual desires that need to be fulfilled. Don't feel guilty for indulging in self-pleasure. Many people, married or not, masturbate. Go ahead and watch the occasional adult video. Perhaps being open with your wife about your activities may help some of the guilt you're experiencing, and you may even tap into a sexual desire or curiosity she's always had, but been afraid to explore. Best of luck.
Yvonne K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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