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Question:
I am 24 years old and have been married for one year.For the last six months or so, I have had absolutely no interest in sex or sexual activity, and it is starting to cause a lot of problems in my marriage. Before this time, I had a "very healthy" sex drive, so this is a very noticeable change.Now when my husband instigates sex, I can hardly wait for it to be over...I am literally bored, All I can think of is "Are you done yet?" I can only think of two factors that may have some connection with my lack of desire, those being 1) high stress level, and 2) around six months ago I had a progesterone-releasing IUD inserted.I have never had a child, and I am very fit and very active, and have no health problems that I know of. I am still very attracted to my husband, so I don't think that's part of the problem, but this lack of sex is making us fight, which of course makes me not want to have sex even more, so its starting a bad cycle.I would appreciate any insight you could give me into this serious dilema.
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: ()
How often do you have sex? When a relationship is new and exciting, couples often have sex very frequently. After getting married or otherwise committing to each other it can sometimes be difficult to transition into a frequency, which you can keep up long-term and which suits both partners. Often, but not necessarily, the man desires sex more frequently than the woman, causing major stress in their relationship. As a consequence, her sexual desire may vanish.
If this situation applies to your relationship I would encourage you to have a frank talk with your husband about how you feel. It is not the quantity but the quality of your sexual relationship, which is important.
I would discuss the following issues: How can the two of you make your sexual interaction enjoyable, exciting, and rewarding?
What would you like your partner to do to make it something more than an event you cannot wait to get over with?
What would your partner like from you?
How frequently would each of you like to have sex?
I think these are important issues to discuss since this is an important adjustment in your marriage. If you cannot solve this problem on your own, you may want to consider having a sex therapist or couples counselor help you. The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) at www.aasect.org can help you locate a sex therapist or counselor in your area.
A high stress level can certainly reduce sexual desire. Is there any way to reduce your stress? I believe that it is less likely that your intra uterine device (IUD) has something to do with your reduced desire. IUDs only release small amounts of hormone locally in your uterus and it is unlikely that you will experience effects throughout your body. Has the IUD changed anything else? Do you have pain or other symptoms that bother you?
I hope that my suggestions may be at least a little helpful to you. Good luck with everything!
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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