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Question:
I live in angola, where information is very difficult to get. Me and my gitrlfriend had our first sexual experience a few days ago, and her doctor doesn't want her to take the pill. When i´m ejaculating, i take my penis out, and she doesn´t like it. she wants to continue even with that, but i dont want her to get pregnant. So what can i do, or how to explain her that i must do it ? do i really need to take it out?
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Answer:
by Susan Ludwig: ()
Thank you for your question! You have raised a couple of important issues about sexual intimacy. I hope we are able to help you find some answers.
First of all, the method of birth control that you are using has been voted as "most likely to fail" for most people who use it! It is difficult for most men to anticipate when they are about to ejaculate, and timing is essential for this method to work (even in theory!). Remember, ANY semen that gets on or near your partner's genitals can find their way to the waiting target. The times of a woman's menstrual cycle when she is fertile make her body very hospitable to any stray sperm that happen to find their way!
Second, (and you have made reference to this in your letter) this is a very unsatisfying method for both partners. Stopping intercourse at the peak of desire can leave both of you feeling unhappy with your sexual experience!
The next important issue that you bring up is the need to negotiate your needs with one another. Have you talked about what you want in your relationship? Have you discussed if and when you would like to have children? Do you and your partner agree on these things? It is important that these discussions take place at a time when both of you can be clear headed about them! (Probably not when you are in bed!)
The best sexual experiences are those between two people who have discussed what they want in their sexual relationships and who agree to share responsibility for being sure that the decisions are acted upon! Both people need to feel safe for sexual intimacy to be successful and satisfying! I hope you are able to talk to your girlfriend and share some of the concerns you have raised in your message with her. I hope that you are able to negotiate a relationship that is satisfying to both of you and that meets both your goals! Let us know if we can offer any other information that can help you!Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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