Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
I am a 27-year-old man, and I feel attracted towards boys. I do want to change and I want to feel attracted towards girls. Can I?
I want to marry. Can I?
Please advice
|
Answer:
by Blaise Parker: ()
I can see you're quite upset because you have sexual feelings for those of your own sex, and you'd like instead to have sexual feelings towards the opposite sex.
This is a difficult situation, and one that some people go through. I would say that if you only having sexual feelings towards men and none
towards women at all, you are probably gay (as opposed to bisexual, in which case you would probably have sexual feelings toward women as well). So your question is, can that be changed?
Well, yes and no. Most research on what is called "conversion therapy" or
"reparative therapy" (changing gay people to straight people) suggests that it can't be done. We think there is probably a genetic component to
homosexuality that simply cannot be changed, and research has started to confirm this idea.
However, some research does show that highly motivated individuals can "change" to heterosexual if they've been identifying as gay. To be honest, I don't know about the quality of this research or how accurate these findings are. Either way, there are a number of gay-to-straight conversion programs, many of which are religious in nature. If you search the web for
conversion therapy or reparative therapy you'll probably find some links to these organizations.
My opinion is this: You'd be far better off beginning to work with a therapist who can help you come to terms with your homosexuality and
learning to love yourself for who you are. My understanding is that many of the gay-to-straight programs are based on fear and shame, and that they don't make you feel very good about yourself. I don't think that's a
healthy place for anyone to be. And there's no guarantee that the progams will even work. Take note of two of the founders of an ex-gay ministry: these two men, while preaching that you could change your sexual orientation, fell in love. Eventually they quit the program and decided to accept themselves for who they are, and they're much happier now.
Part of your anxiety seems to be about marriage. I think you are assuming that gay couples cannot form good, healthy, loving relationships. They
can. They can have permanent lifelong attachments with their partners, they can raise children, they can do all of the things heterosexual couples can do (although having children usually reuires a little help!).
I hope that whatever you decide to do helps you to accept yourself and to find happiness.
Blaise
Addendum: I was recently alerted to the possibility that this question might be referring to pedophilic desire toward young boys. If that is the case, I would like to pass on these words from a colleague.
If pedophilia is the concern - this condition IS treatable, not by Reparative Therapy (the shortcomings of which she discussed in her response) but rather via an intensive outpatient or inpatient multimodal intervention for paraphilias and/or sex offending. These treatments combine CBT, behavioral conditioning, social skills training, and relapse prevention techniques. Sex offenders who undergo these treatments show much reduced recidivism rates. Surgical and chemical interventions are also available if psychosocial treatments fail, behavioral regulation is poor, and the likelihood of (re-)sexually offending is high. A good source of further information can be found in Treatments That Work (Nathan & Gorman, 2001) or via national organizations for the treatment of sex offenders. The man who wrote Ms. Parker (and many others who did not but check this site) may be in desperate need of effective treatment for pedophilia. To this end, her accidental omission of information may inadvertently and incorrectly imply that there is little hope for those suffering from this condition. This oversight could result in preventable further victimization of children and adolescents. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
