|
|
Ask a Question
Question:
I'm 36, a C2 - C3 quad for the last 15 years. In that time, I've never had a relationship. I feel so incredibly sexually frustrated I can hardly stand it anymore. I would like to meet a woman but I don't have much confidence and I know I have a poor self body image. I have a colostomy, a mucous trap and an indwelling catheter. Do you think a surrogate partner could help and how do I go about hiring one?
|
Answer:
by Mitchell Tepper: (08/24/2005)
A sexual surrogate or surrogate partner is a hands-on practitioner specifically trained to assist in treating sexual difficulties. Surrogates work with clients to overcome sexual dysfunction and enhance relationships skills through education, facilitation, and sexual exploration. The goals range from relieving anxiety around intimacy or dating to addressing specific concerns like negative body image. For anyone who has experienced changes resulting from a disability and does not have a partner to work with, the surrogate can help explore and develop sexual potential. Hence, for your immediate needs, a surrogate partner, if you can find one near you and afford the service, is a great starting point to help build your sexual self-esteem through honest interactions and build confidence and competence through practice.
Seeing a surrogate partner, at least one in the U.S. who operates under a professional code of ethics like those of the International Professional Surrogate Association, isn’t going to allow you to escape the initial embarrassment of talking to a therapist. In addition to their specific training, surrogate partners differ from prostitutes in that they work in a therapeutic situation comprised of the client (i.e., you), surrogate, and a licensed supervising therapist. Together surrogate, client and therapist work in a sort of therapeutic love triangle where the surrogate usually feeds information back to both the client and therapist. Surrogates are not the solution merely for someone who cannot find a date as the therapeutic relationship is time limited. A qualified therapist who works regularly in conjunction with surrogate partners should be able to put you at ease talking about sexuality with him or her rather quickly.
If you cannot find a surrogate, don’t give up. Reach out to other high level quads via on and offline venues and find out how others have managed to get over their anxiety and by their body to negotiate satisfying sexual relationships.
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
|
 |
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
