Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
Hi Linda,I have been in a relationship with someone older than me who has a spinal injury. I am willing to explore other ways of sexual intimacy and he is very satisfying to me. In the beginning it was hard but we both want to work on this. The problem we have is that he constantly questions my sincerety in the relationship and if I see other men which I don't. He is easily jealous and possesive which may stem from his disability which questions his ability to satisfy me. He is more man than all my past lovers and I really want us to work this out. Please give me any insight of what is going on in him and what I can do to help him. I love him so much and want to work things out. Sinceraly. PS we were seeing each other 3 months prior to being with each other.
|
Answer:
by Linda Mona: (05/20/2004)
Thank you for your question. Your situation is probably a lot more common than you may think. First of all, let me say that I think that you have approached this situation in a great way. You have let your partner know how you feel about him and that you do feel sexually satisfied. Now, you are asking for some additional understanding which tells me that you truly care about your partner and the quality of your sex life!
As you can imagine, acquiring a spinal cord injury is a life changing event. Not only do physical changes occur but a number of psychological changes happen as well. Many people with spinal cord injuries have said that they feel "pulled out" of their lives within a matter of seconds. People have reported feeling less feminine, less masculine, less desirable, less attractive, and less sexy. When we think about sexual expression, we typically think about a physical component and often times an emotional component. Many feel that because their bodies no longer function the way that they have prior to their injury, they are less of a sexual being. This may explain your partner's feelings of jealousy or possessiveness. Some people that I have worked with have told me that they feel that as long as able-bodied people are around, they do not stand a chance in the dating and sex areas of their lives. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that your partner's feelings do not surprise me.
By telling him your feelings and the fact that you are satisfied sexually, you have made attempts to reassure him. This is really all that you can do! You certainly can't do anything to force him to believe you. I have a few suggestions though. I would talk with him and let him know that you are concerned about this part of your relationship. Tell him that you like being in your relationship and would like to work towards him feeling more secure. It may be a good idea for him to sign on to sexualhealth.com so that he can get a better feeling of disability and sexuality issues. By reading other's questions and thoughts, he may begin to see that he is not alone. Another alternative of course is to seek some therapy or counseling so that they two of you have a neutral place to discuss feelings.
You are a great partner! Good Luck!
Dr. MonaReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
