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Question:
It seems that the majority of romantic relationships begin with physical attraction between two people. As a
25-year-old C4-5 quad in graduate school, it is difficult for me to get women to see the person beyond the wheelchair.
It is as if there is a big sign on my forehead that reads "undateable." What tips do you have to help me get over this
speed bump, because it is usually smooth wheeling for me after that.
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Answer:
by Mitchell Tepper: (05/16/2004)
Unfortunately, most people apply stereotypes characterizing people with disabilities as asexual and incapable of or not
interested in sex. It is important to maintain your sense of humor, efficacy and self-esteem. Be assertive, maintain eye
contact and use positive body language. You may have to be unusually outgoing, upbeat and affirmative to help people get
past your chair.
You might try to increase your social exposure by joining study groups, participating in cultural events and putting yourself in
environments conducive to conversation with people you enjoy. If talking frankly and meeting people is difficult for you, join
a support group or ask a counselor to help you break through this roadblock.
While physical appearance does play an important role in sexual attraction, the features people find sexually attractive vary
from person to person. Some may find you attractive for your psychological strength, perseverance, spirit or positive attitude
and want to be with you for those qualities. A potential date may be thinking that your smile, your eyes or the way you dress
is attractive, while at the same time wondering whether you can still share and enjoy sex or whether you would be
interested in her because of some self-perceived shortcoming of her own.
In our culture, women have been shown to put more value on social skills and achievement than physical beauty. In a graduate
school setting, there may well be people attracted to your philosophical outlook or ideas. These are opportunities to
communicate your sexual interest and availability.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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