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Question:
My son is autistic, and 23 years old. He is fairly high functioning. I would best characterize his ability to understand and communicate as binary.....on/off, yes/no, up/down, etc. I have been direct in explaining his sexuality to him, and we have discussed what is involved in the sexual experience as far as the mechanics. I have encouraged masturbation as a physical release, and have discussed the difference between girls vs women, and the idea that "No" means "no". He is without sexual experience except for masturbation and a whole lot of looking.
My problem: He likes to "tickle" and wrestle with little girls (11 or so), and has been encouraged by many to do so. Until recently, I told him that he must be gentle since he is stronger than he realizes. It appeared innocent until recently. He left bruises on one little girl, and a couple of weeks ago my brother walked in on him on top of an 11 year old girl tickling her. At this point, I realize that innocent or not, there is likely sexual excitement involved. I made it very clear that tickling was off limits, period. I am concerned though, since I just can't tell what is going on in his mind. Should I investigate drugs that lower his sex drive? Is this a danger signal of future problems? Am I over reacting, or under reacting to the situation? It has been suggested that I take him to a "professional". I understand that it is unlikely that he will find a woman with whom he will have a romantic relationship. Any suggestions/information/referrals would be most welcome.
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Answer:
by Melissa BEE: ()
You have done much more than many other parents, in explaining the mechanics, and giving him a basic education. You may need to build on that. He may need to understand in greater depth the emotional side of intimacy, about arousal, touching, flirting, and a big problem area for many autistics in determining the difference between APPROPRIATE and INAPPROPRIATE.
Hugging and tickling can, as you have seen move from an innocent activity to one with unwelcome overtones. Likewise the issues of public and private, in reguard to masturbation.
If you can get him to any social skills classes, they can help teach one-to-one interaction tips on a practical basis. Unfortunately there are not enough people who take these kind of classes for all the people who could use them. If you can't get to any classes, contact the Autistic Association closest to you for information about teaching materials, and even for sexual counselling.
Chemical sexual restraint is usually frowned upon - even in criminals - I'd look at behaviour modification. He may yet find someone with whom to have a relationship with. Help teach him, he may surprise you. Autistic people have an enormous amount of feeling.
Best Wishes,
Melissa BEEReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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