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Question:
Side effects of high blood pressure meds, specifically Hytrin, have caused my partner to have feelings of asexuality and literally no sexual desire whatsoever. While my partner is perfectly willing to satisfy my needs and desires there is no give and take there, if you know what I mean and I find it very frustrating not to be able to share rather than having it all one-sided if you know what I mean. It's hard to explain but I think I've gotten my problem across to you. Do you have any advice or suggestions on how to counteract the side-effects of the prescription meds (Hytrin is only one of the meds, but is thought to be the culprit)? I'm really at a loss here as to what I can do. Thanks very much.....anything advice would be welcome. We are two bisexual women in a monogamoous relationship and have been together 3-1/2 years and there is nothing else wrong in our relationship -- just this. We are also both 50 years old and both obese....whether that matters or not.
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Answer:
by Susan Ludwig: (05/29/2004)
Dear G.,
Thank you for your question to Sexual Health! I am so glad you have written -- and I hope that I can help you with this question. It raises a number of issues.
First of all, it is very important that your partner discuss the change in her sexual desire with her doctor! I remember visiting a man in his home many years ago and doing a review of his medications and general health status following a heart attack. His wife told me that they had been unable to have intercourse for over 20 years because of his medications! What a tragedy that he did not tell the doctor what the medication was doing to him. It is often possible to change to a medication that does not have those side effects!! Please tell your partner to talk to her doctor about this side effect from her Hytrin! She might also need to have her hormone levels checked to see if her feelings are related to menopause. Hopefully her doctor will be open to discussing the role of hormones in maintaing sexual desire.
I don't know if the obesity that you reported has any bearing on the change in libido -- but it might have a bearing on your partner's need for medication! This might be something to discuss with her doctor as well. If the doctor thought that weight loss would mean that she could take less medication, you might want to negotiate with your partner ways that you can support her to lose weight! Be sure to check with the doctor before doing this -- and be sure to include exercise in any efforts you make to lose weight! That is something you can do together!
I know that what you are describing would be very frustrating. I hope that you are telling your partner how you feel! I am glad that she continues to support your sexual well being -- and she needs to hear you tell her that your desire is also for her to have her sexual needs met! Talk to her about your concerns like you have told them to me -- and see what she says that might give you a clue about her apparent lack of desire.
Please write and let us know if there is anything you discover about this puzzle that we might help you with further! And I wish you the very best as you communicate your concerns with your partner!
Sincerely,
Susan LudwigReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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