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Question:
After my divorce, I was celebate for several years. I recently found a man that I like very much and we decided to have intercourse. But for the first time, the sex was painful and I bled the next day. I've been too embarassed to try again. Can a woman's hymen grow back over time and could this relax after more experiences, or is this something to be concerned about?

Answer:
by Melissa BEE: (05/27/2004)
You don't specify how the sex was painful (position, lack of lubrication, his size, anxiety?) nor the details about the blood loss. If the blood loss was due to a tear in the vaginal wall (and not your period) that IS a cause for alarm and you need to see your doctor as soon as possible, having no further intercourse for at least a week, possibly longer. No, the hymen doesn't grow back, but your vagina can tighten up a lot, after you haven't used it for a while. You can get it accustomed to dilating again by using a dildo or a vibrator, to gently stretch the tissues. They will contract back to normal size afterwards. I also recommend that you both take much longer in foreplay - this will allow you to become more naturally aroused and your vagina will dilate, BECAUSE you are aroused. Use some sessions just in foreplay without going to intercourse. Touch each other all over and find out what turns you both on... As a woman's hormones start to decrease, it is quite normal to have a certain amount of dryness. So use a good water based lubricant, change position if you are uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to communicate your needs. You could try 'doggie' style. This will allow your vagina to actually become longer as the uterus tends to fall forwards, allowing for deeper penetration. As long as he doesn't pump, and just takes it gently, inserting a little more of his penis at a time, you may find this position much less painful. Avoid skin-on-skin friction (as that effectively causes a burning of the tissues) and if it isn't enjoyable, then stop. Good Luck. Please feel free to ask any further questions, and thank you for coming to The Sexual Health Network Melissa BEE

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