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Question:
I've been unable to have an erection I could count on for the last ten years
(been married for 30!). My doctor recently prescribed Viagra and I'm thrilled
with the results. The problem is, my wife doesn't seem to be quite so excited.
She says she's insulted that I need a pill in order to get aroused. She thinks
she's not good enough, but that's not it at all. What should I do? I'm finally
ready, willing and able.
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Answer:
by Michael A. Perelman: (05/27/2004)
This is not an uncommon problem. While many spouses are thrilled and relieved
to have their husband’s erectile ability restored, other women are not as
pleased for a variety of reasons. Certainly, after a 10-year time span your
wife may be wondering, "Is it me or is it the Viagra?" You need to reassure
your wife that it IS her and not the Viagra. Viagra does not give a man an
erection. Actually, it just makes it harder to lose one (pun intentional)!
Viagra is a phosphodiesterase inhibitor. Phosphodiesterase contributes to the
breakdown of erections, so that typically your penis returns to its normal
flaccid state after your orgasm. By inhibiting phosphodiesterase, Viagra makes
it easier to maintain your erection, if you are adequately stimulated mentally
and physically. For Viagra "to work" you must receive adequate pleasant mental
and physical stimulation. Therefore it is your wife, not the Viagra, "giving
you" the erection. Share this answer with her in hopes of explaining her
continued importance to your sexual success. If a problem remains, please
discuss it with the caregiver who prescribed the Viagra (a good idea regardless
of the outcome) to obtain some more helpful suggestions.
Additionally, it is always good to keep in mind that 10 years is long time to
adjust to a change. Were there sexual activities that you and your wife
enjoyed that did not require an erection? Is her body still comfortable with
penetration? Is lubrication still adequate for both of you? As a woman ages,
her capacity for lubrication and vaginal elasticity decline. Has she discussed
any of the above issues with her own health care provider as far as you know?
Was there any pain with intercourse, for either one of you, when you tried the
Viagra? Or, has intercourse not been tried yet? The answers to these
questions will determine what to do next. Again, please discuss these issues
with the professional who prescribed the Viagra.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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