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Question:
I'm a 24-year-old Korean male with Cerebral
Palsy and Generalized Dystonia. Though I can
masturbate in a limited fashion, as I age, I
find myself in need of coitus, or at least
oral stimulation or masturbation by the
opposite gender. Therefore and because a relationship is out of the equation, at least so far, I have thought of hiring a personal escort; however, my parents being full Asian,though they know I do masturbate and acknowledge it, I can't possibly bring it up. Furthermore, I'm personally
against premarital coitus--being full Asian
myself and a Catholic. I'm also concerned about my complete dependency due to my disabilities, and how it would affect possible future relation-ships and my sexual abilities, specifically sexual positions and varieties.
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Answer:
by Linda Mona: ()
What you describe sounds very familiar to me. Many people with physical disabilities have difficulties in their romantic and sexual lives because of physical limitations, obstacles with meeting people, and needing assistance with being sexual with themselves or someone else. I also understand how important cultural values can be when making decisions about sexuality and relationships. Many people who live with their parents attempt to have some type of communication with them about their wants and needs. To be an independent adult clearly, one component of this is wanting to have the opportunities to be in relationships and be sexual.
So, one approach may be talking with your parents or others that assist you about
your wants to be in a relationship, etc. Think about the things that you like to do and what social situations may be feasible for you to attend. People with disabilities do ask personal assistants for help with masturbation or for help with other sexual activities, especially when the disabled person also has a disabled partner. This is not widely talked about but
is in fact a reality. Consulting a therapist or sex therapist in your area may help you with thinking through these issues. Also, talking with someone at your local independent living center may be able to direct you for further guidance. Good luck!
Linda Mona, Ph.D.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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