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Question:
Hello,
Please help me. I am a 31 year old woman with a degenerative genetic disorder which causes me a great deal of chronic pain, some joint instability, and muscle spasticity. I take neurontin and morphine.
I have been having great difficulty with intimacy with my husband. There are a lot of emotions around this: fear of more pain, fear of causing injury to my body, worry that I will disappoint him since I am becoming more and more limited, anger at my body, worry that that anger will turn into another severe depression.
Are there any books that speak directly to this situation? I am not looking merely for different positions, like most arthritis books that I've seen. Can you offer any suggestions for dealing with these emotions and fears of both myself and my able-bodied husband?
-S
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Answer:
by Megan P Fleming: (05/26/2004)
S,
You raise important points and concerns. Living to learn with a chronic illness brings many challenges. Emotional distress, with feelings of sadness and anger, is common and it is important that you can share your experience, worries, and fears with your husband. Although it may be difficult to believe, living with a chronic disease and the associated periods of extreme stress can actually create greater intimacy in your relationship. Intimacy provides the foundation for you and your husband to cope with the stress, loss and uncertainty of your disorder. A tip to remember, it is always possible to give and receive pleasure and satisfaction. If the marital therapy you mentioned is not providing enough support for your own emotional needs, I would strongly encourage you to seek individual therapy. If you have not already done so, you would also want to see if there are any local support groups that can provide education and counseling. Meeting others who have similar challenges and fears can be another resource for information and support. Here are two books that may also provide you with useful information: We Are Not Alone: Learning to Live with a Chronic Illness by Sefra Kobrin Pitzele, and Timeless Healing: The Power and Biology of Belief by Herbert Benson.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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