Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (04/06/2005)
Ok hon...
Do you masturbate? After reading what you sent, that is the 1st question that pops into my mind. THe reason I say this is because when you masturbate, YOU LEARN what feels good to you, where to touch that triggers great responses, and what doesn't do anything for you. Then, I would suggest you hold a little masturbation-a-thon with you and your partner. Have him masturbate in front of you, and you in front of him. This is one of the easiest ways to teach your partner what you like cause they can actually SEE what works in order to get you off. And, and even better trick is to place your partners hand over yours (they don't do ANYTHING with their hand except keep it over yours the whole time) so they can feel the movements you are using and the pressure. You said that you were with a guy so, generally speaking, guys want more pressure than girls give, and vice versa for women. Masturbation is KEY though. If you haven't tried it yet, it is one of the best ways to learn how to come.
A lot of women need more than fingers -- they just don't do the trick, so go out and purchase a small vibrator with variable speeds. It doesn't need to go in you, just something for you to roll around over your clit and lips and all that good stuff. And, before you start masturbating, make sure there won't be distractions. Set aside 1.5 hours for you to play uninterupted -- yes, I'm serious 1.5 hrs, gives you time to take a shower/bath, relax, read some erotica or watch a sexy part in a movie and allows you time to use your fingers all over your body.
The pain you are most likely talking about is the same thing that is called "blue balls" for guys. Just for women, it's called "blue clit" because your body has alllllll this blood rushing around down in your genitals and it's ready to release this tension and it doesn't come, so your genitals freak and send that pain sensation. We usually hear about blue balls and how uncomfy it is for men, but the same thing happens to women, just no one REALLY talks about it. It's not dangerous to get "blue balls/clit" doesn't cause any health problems, it just doesn't feel good cause your body wants a release of all that energy.
The last thing that is coming to mind is: are you uncomfortable with losing control in front of your partner? A lot of women who have difficultly with having orgasms -- they don't want to lose control in front of someone. The reasons for this could be: worried about how your face will look during orgasm, how your body will react, what your body does during orgasm, or is there a sexual assault/rape/tramua that has occured in the past? People with sexual assaults in their past sometimes have a really hard with having orgasms because it can trigger memories of the attack in some way. So, think about that and if that is the case, go and talk to a psychologist about it. You could also pick up the book, The Surviors Guide to Sex, freakin fabulous for those individuals.
Ok, so go do your homework. You can buy a little at the local sex shoppe in your area or you can purchase them online. Places you could order discretely online would be from:www.smittenkittenonline.com, toysinbabeland.com, earlytobed.com or goodvibes.com. They not only are discrete with sending you the toy, but you can also rent video's from them (erotic video's but in your case, how to have an orgasm) The stores that are geared towards women, helping women, usually owned and run by women and hold classes on just your issue!
Hope this is helpful....I'm happy to respond if you have more questions.
In Orgasmic Delight-
Megan Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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