Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
I have a problem with getting sexually aroused that has been going on for a long time and gotten worse over the last 3 years. I hardly ever reach orgasm with my husband, and have trouble getting lubricated. When I do come, it’s never very strong. Mostly I get close to climaxing and then lose the sensation. When I pleasure myself ...which is rare ...I do lubricate and have orgasms most of the time.
I've tried telling my husband what I enjoy but he still doesn't do what I like. I get so frustrated that I have to keep telling him after 9 years. We’ve had heated discussion about this.
Right now, I’m nursing a 5 month old baby and taking Depo Provera shots, so maybe my troubles are all hormonal. And maybe I’m just an iceberg.
|
Answer:
by Joy Davidson: ()
I want to address your question on two fronts, the immediate and the long term. It might help you to know that nursing a child can in some cases dramatically decrease a woman’s sex drive. A lot of factors collude to dampen desire, but one of the most persistent offenders is the hormone prolactin, which rises in order to trigger milk production. The more frequently you nurse your baby, the more prolactin your pituitary produces, and the less sexy you’re likely to feel. (Editorial comment: This being said, many women breast feed without ever noticing any change in sexual desire).
Since you are also taking Depo Provera shots, i.e. progesterone, you’re getting a double whammy of sex-censoring hormones. Progesterone not only inhibits sexual desire, it can also dull sexual sensation. Even after shots are discontinued, these effects can last up to six months. So, in part, your lack of arousal may be induced by this annoying hormonal cocktail. All other things being equal, you could weather this passing storm by doing a lot of cuddling, caressing, fantasizing, and romancing with your husband. And you could certainly have sex, even if you don’t feel a burning desire to initiate it, just to enjoy the intimacy and “nice” (if not earth shaking) feelings you’ll experience once you’re involved in the act.
However, it sounds like all other things are not equal. I’m most concerned about your frustration over your husband’s refusal to please you, or apparent lack of concern for your needs. I can only imagine how angry you are, deep down. Prior to your pregnancy it was probably this escalating resentment over being taken so lightly-- not hormones or natural iciness -- that drove your passions into cryonic suspension.
Over the long term you need to deal with your relationship issues. Otherwise no amount of hormonal reconstituting will drastically change the status quo. Take your husband by the hand and visit a couples’ counselor who has experience treating sexual problems. (Or a sex therapist who works with lots of couples.) And stop doubting yourself. You’re perfectly OK.Reviewed by: Annette Owens M.D.,
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
