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Question:
I'm a 32 year old male. I'm also very sexual. Recently I have had a problem with ejaculation. I have masturbated between partners in the past, but recently have not been with someone for a while. Now that I'm dating however, I find that I can't ejaculate normally during sex!! Is it because of masturbating so much?? Can this happen?? I do masturbate every day. I do ejaculate when I masturbate, but not during sex. Can you help me?
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Answer:
by Joy Davidson: ()
There are a number of reasons a man might have trouble with orgasms during partner sex, especially after a prolonged “dry spell”. Let’s start with the most common one: condom use. If you’re using a condom (as you should be for safety’s sake) the latex barrier may cause enough reduction in penile sensation to inhibit your ejaculations. In that case, you probably want to do two things. First, buy a selection of the thinnest condoms on the market. To make it easy, you can go to the Condomania website or the Condom Country website and peruse their offerings.
Second, reduce your frequency of masturbation so that when you do make love with your partner you’ll feel a greater urgency to come. For instance, choose not to masturbate for a few days prior to a date. This will help you become more responsive to your partner and help break your “addiction” to the feeling of genuine skin, instead of latex, against your penis. Keep in mind that it can take a while to make the adjustment from skin-skin contact to skin-latex contact, so you need to be patient and consistent. Even so, realistically speaking, don’t expect to ejaculate every time you have intercourse.
Here’s another possibility. Your body may be so accustomed to the particular way in which you stimulate yourself with your hand -- the right rhythm, the right pressure, the right spot stroked or squeezed without a conscious thought to what you’re doing --that the entirely different sensations of vaginal penetration don’t match up with or produce the same result as your own wrist action.
Again, backing off from masturbating will help break your body’s habitual response patterns. When you do masturbate, try using the hand that is usually idle, which will feel awkward at first but force you to be more aware of how you work yourself up to orgasms. This in turn will help you adjust your positioning during intercourse to better stimulate your “hot spot”, or help you teach your partner how to use her own hand or mouth to arouse you.
Finally, difficulty ejaculating during intercourse can be emotionally based. Since you’ve just begun dating again, some anxiety, fear or psychological residue from a past relationship might be keeping you from completely letting go with a new partner. Orgasms are, after all, a form of release and surrender. So, if you try the tricks outlined above and find they don’t work for you, consider looking more deeply into your emotional life, perhaps with the brief assistance of a trained counselor.Reviewed by: Annette Owens M.D.,
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