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Question:
My question is not really health related. I am a virgin and plan on remaining so till my wedding night. My question is what are your views as a doctor on pre-marital sex? Do you believe there a health benefits? What is your medical oppinion?
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/18/2004)
I fully support your wish to postpone sex until you are married. Sex involves so much more than the physical stimulation of two partner's genitals, as it occurs for example during intercourse. In its optimal form sex also involves mutual respect, commitment, affection and love between the partners. I believe that you will later be happy that you waited to share this very intimate part of your self with your married partner.
However, I do want to urge you not to put all your emphasis and expectations into your future wedding night. Do not expect miracles to happen on that particular night. Instead, look at it as the beginning of a life together, where you can continue to learn about each other's bodies over the next many years to come. The wedding night will be just the beginning of an exciting journey together with your spouse. Many couples have told me how their sex life continues to grow even after decades of knowing each other. Take your time and enjoy each little step.
In my opinion it is perfectly fine to caress your own body (masturbate) if you in the meantime have the desire for sexual stimulation. I believe that knowing how to love your own body provides a good foundation for enjoying mutual lovemaking with a partner. By yourself, you can explore what type of touches and stimulation of your genital area and other parts of your body you like.
I can recommend a book called "Women's Sexualities" written by Carol Rinkleib Ellison, New Harbinger Publications, ISBN: 1-57224-196-9. Dr. Rinkleib has interviewed 2,632 women between the ages of twenty-three and ninety. These women have shared intimate details about their sex-lives and we can all learn from the tales told. I think that you especially might benefit from reading the chapter "The First Time." It may help you to read about what other women have done in the same situation, to read about their possible regrets about having started intercourse too early and their comments about what they might have done differently if they had a second chance.
Sincerely,
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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