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Question:
ever since i have been with my current girlfriend i have only been able to give her a clitoral orgasm on 3 occasions. (1 yr) we have sex quite regularly and it's great however she is only able to orgasm (apart from those 3 times) from penetration and contact against her cervix or deep within her. she seems particulary insensitive in the clitoral area aswell as her nipples. i often spend a lot of time performing cunninglingus on her and she enjoys every minute of it and i am able to bring her close to clitoral orgasm but unable to achieve it. even when she is extremely aroused her clitoris is rather small and her nipples are small and not hard. on the three occasions she has had a clitoral orgasm it has been so powerful for her that she has experienced female ejaculation which was pretty intense.
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (03/07/2005)
Thanks so much for writing in with your question and I apologize for the great delay in getting back to you with a response. You pose a question that is important on several levels, two of which I will focus on here. The first issue is that the clitoris is often over-sold as the ultimate key to a woman's orgasm. Women can have a variety of orgasms; clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, fantasy-induced, non-genital, and any combinations of these. It is possible that your girlfriend's orgasmic preference is for deep vaginal penetration rather than clitoral stimulation.
The other issue concerns the fact that sometimes spending too much effort stimulating the clitoris and nipples can have the reverse effect. Over-stimulating errogenous areas (parts of the body sensitive to sexual stimulation) can de-sensitize them and become non-arousing. I don't know if this might be the case with you and your girlfriend but it's worth looking at.
One of the important aspects of helping your partner achieve orgasm is to vary the kinds of stimulation you give. Varying the speed and pressure of what you're doing can keep the nerve endings excited. The more sensitive the nerve endings are, the quicker they can "shut down" to stimulation. I would also suggest mixing techniques, like stroking her clitoris (with a finger, tongue, or toy) while also delivering deep vaginal stimulation, especially stimulating her g-spot. I would also wonder if she can have clitoral orgasms on her own and, if so, perhaps she can work her clitoris while you focus on vaginal and g-spot stimulation. It might help her to relax more and "let go" in a way that she can safely experience the intense orgasms she may be looking forward to.
I wish you not only luck with this but lots of fun trying to find new ways with which to pleasure her. Just don't be overly determined about it. If giving her a clitoral orgasm become something of a quest, it might work in the opposite of what you intend. Remember, there is a difference between making oneself orgasm and allowing oneself to. Thanks again for writing in and, again, I'm sorry for the delay in resaponding. Take care and be well.
Larry SiegelReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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