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Question:
Throughout my life, I have still to experience an orgasm. I ejaculate and I have no problems with my erection.
Its really frustrating to experience arousal but just ending in a "pop" and then a feeling of disappointment. I try to relax my muscles in the genital area as Im thinking that this may hinder the orgasm, but I always end up squeezing in the end.
I seems to matter little what I do, but then again I may be doing something wrong/or missing out on something too.
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Answer:
by Kathleen VanKirk: (01/05/2006)
You don't mention your age, so it's difficult for me to understand where you are in your physical development. But as you've indicated (which is usually of much surprise to most people), that male orgasm and ejaculation are two different events. It is possible for men to orgasm and not ejaculate and vice versa. Some men actually train themselves to orgasm and not ejaculate so that they can achieve multiple orgasms.
However, in regards to your experience there are a couple of possibilities that what may be going on. Either the "pop" you experience is indeed an orgasm and the disappointment you experience following it may be a part of your refractory period (the period of time following an ejaculation when males cannot achieve another erection and may mood-wise feel a strong sense of relaxation or perhaps in your case you are interpreting it as a feeling of depression); or perhaps the sense of disappointment you feel is related to unresolved feelings of shame that you were brought up with about your sexuality. These are just ideas and you would really need to see a sex therapist locally in order to help you fully address the issue.
In the meantime, you may want to try and experiment with different ways of masturbating. Look at the situations in which you are masturbating. Are you in a quiet and safe environment? Have you tried to use erotic materials like magazines and movies? You didn't mention whether you have partnered sex or not, so I'm not sure how that plays into the situation. If you work to relax your muscles, why not try to stay rigid and build excitement next time. Pay attention to the thoughts going through your head. Are you so caught up in your head and not the sensation that you are mentally blocking orgasm?
Give these suggestions a try and if you still have problems, seeing a sex therapist or medical doctor might be most helpful to you.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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