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Question:
I am a male trying to help my wife and I to have orgasm at the same time. She prefers massages instead of intercourse for orgasm. What can I do to have regular vaginal-penis sex and get best pleasure for both?
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Answer:
by Melissa BEE: (05/17/2004)
The key to having better orgasms is relaxation and breathing. It's important to be aware of your body's sensations, taking time to allow the sexual tension to build before letting go. Deep breathing allows the body to feel more and holding your breath stops sensations.
Relax your breath, allowing yourself to sigh a few times. If you want to prolong your orgasms and build up the energy, concentrate on breathing long and deeply as you are becoming excited. When you feel ready to let yourself relax into having an orgasm quicken your breath by taking short quick breaths into the upper chest, allowing yourself to make sounds as the sexual tension builds up, also kegeling helps to increase her pleasure sensations, and he feels the 'grab' as well.
Sexual sounds are also a great way to allow yourself to become more turned on. Research carried out by leading stress specialist Dr David Lewis and published in October '99 showed that "a long, loud, uninhibited howl is an effective way to reduce tensions and make people more passionate lovers."
Exercise can also help orgasmability. Kegels Exercises: using the Pubococcygeus muscle, which you find by stopping yourself urinating in mid flow - will make your orgasms stronger and longer. It's recommended that you practice exercising this muscle about 100 times a day by clenching then relaxing. You will definitely feel the results in a short time.
Most women have been told that masturbation is bad, but it is an essential way for her to find out both what you and she like and how your respective bodies respond. If you can't have an orgasm by yourself it is very difficult to have one with a partner.
Using a vibrator will also help her to become more turned on. A great technique is to pulse a vibrator back and forwards on the clitoris at the same time asking her to moving her pelvis. If she bends her knees she will find a gentle rocking motion will take place which will help her to feel more sexually aroused.
Many women who have never orgasmed during sexual intercourse, worry that there is something wrong with them. There are various important factors which help to understand why this is. Some women's clitoris are anatomically positioned in such a way that they will never feel stimulated unless by something external; a finger, vibrator or oral stimulation. It will also depend on how relaxed and turned on she feels, as well as how long she takes. For some women it can take 20 to 50 minutes before they feel turned on enough to orgasm.
Once a woman is turned on, playing with her G spot can enhance her pleasure. To find the G spot place a finger into the vagina facing the stomach. Approximately five centimetres in, you will feel a piece of tissue which will have a slightly ribbed texture. It can be anywhere from two to four centimetres. As a woman becomes aroused this swells and can be a great source of additional sexual excitement. Stimulate this point by moving your finger as if you were ringing a doorbell, with a press release movement. This technique is more enjoyable than continual pressure. With your other hand you can also combine this with external massaging of the pubic mound. It also feels good to have the clitoris stimulated at the same time either with a finger or external vibrator. Some women claim they are unable to feel anything, but research shows that during workshops on erotic genital massage that when a woman is relaxed and aroused, there is definitely a heightened sexual experience in this area.
Melissa BEEReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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