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Question:
I am 20 years old and I am engaged to a 26 year old woman. She is only my third sexual partner. The first time we had sex, I lasted fairly long, and for the next fifteen times or so, I lasted just as long as her, and also had multiple orgasms before losing my erection quite a few times. Now lately, I seem to come much quicker, and can't seem to stay hard afterwards. This really makes me feel bad, considering that she doesn't usually climax when this happens. I have also noticed that when I have a few drinks, it is almost impossible for me to "come". If you could, please give me any advice as to how I could gain my "endurance" back.
Thank you
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/16/2004)
Let me start with you last statement about alcohol interfering with your sexual response. Of course it does! It is a bad quote, but William Shakespeare said something like, "Wine giveth the desire, but taketh away the performance!" Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant... my advice on that is to drink after sex, not before... always in moderation.
Moderation might be the keyword when it comes to sex. I'm not saying that you should do it less often, as frequency is a decision to be made by you and your partner. I am saying, however, that you have to be moderate in you expectations.
Novelty and newness is a very powerful aphrodisiac, and it is significant that you were able to stay aroused and even ejaculate multiple times when your relationship was new. As that newness has worn off, your response is settling down to your "more normal" pattern. The harsh reality is that most men only get to ejaculate once and subsequently lose their erection. You probably were initially lasting longer because of the multiple ejaculations, but not that you are only having one, the time seems shorter. Another harsh reality is that most young men, when thrusting steadily, will only last from two to four minutes.
You have apparently had some wonderful times with your partner.... don't mess up the present by wishing for something you may never again have with her. Being a good lover is really not just about endurance, for most women will not orgasm just the vaginal stimulation of intercourse. Learn all the creative ways to pleasure and satisfy your partner... don't put all your eggs in one basket! Now is the time to get playful!
Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
Sexologist
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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