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Question:
The most satisfactory sexual experiences I've had are with other people with disabilities. That's fine, but how can I
convince potential nondisabled partners that I have a libido and a responsive body?
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Answer:
by Susan Ludwig: (02/28/2005)
Hello Question Number 263,
Thank you for writing to me at Sexualhealth.com. Your question is a frequent one that I hear from people who live with disability as well as those who do not. In essence, you are asking how to let people in whom you are interested in exploring a sexual relationship know about your interest.
Many people fall into a trap of being "all things" to people in whom they have a love interest in the hopes that at some point they may let them know that they would be interested in more. Unfortunately, this most often leads to crushed hope -- and disappointment.
One of the important things that I like to discuss with clients is characteristics of a good relationship. One of these characteristics is that the relationship is mutual -- in type, degrees of touch and in time commitment. There is no magic formula for establishing mutuality --the only way to do it is to be open to communication with the other person.
This communication leaves people feeling vulnerable -- a feeling of "what if the other person does not feel the same way as I do?" In the absence of this open communication, however, you leave yourself open to being "strung along." This is a situation in which you are never going to have your needs met -- and are also never going to take the steps you need to take to get out there and meet someone with whom you can have a mutual relationship that meets your needs as well as the needs of the other person.
This learning to communicate about relationships is tough work -- and well worth the effort. You're worth it!
Good luck and I wish you well in your journey.
Sincerely,
Susan Ludwig, RN, BScReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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