Orgasm is difficult to describe. During sexual activity you get more and more aroused with the sexual tension (neuromuscular tension) mounting within you and as you reach the highest level of arousal, suddenly you feel an intense release of tension, pleasurable sensations radiating all across the body, and rhythmic muscular contractions within the outer one-third of vagina, in the clitoris and near the anus. This may give a broad idea of what an orgasm feels like. If something like this is happening to you then you are climaxing (reaching orgasm). Orgasm occurs usually when arousal reaches a certain high, but not before that. It takes some time and experimentation to understand what type and intensity of stimulation takes you to that height. Also, you also need anxiety-free atmosphere for arousal to shoot up, because any small distraction – like a child's cry, a telephone ring, a knock on the door, fear of being detected, having to finish quickly, etc - can dampen the arousal and prevent orgasm. So, if you have any such obstacles, steer clear of them, and enjoy sex in a relaxed manner setting. Focus on the pleasure you receive from various types of sexual stimulation. You can also add fantasy to heighten your arousal.

I noticed that, while filling the question submission form, you have classified your problem as 'orgasmic disorder'. Oh, no! Don't call it a disorder as yet. It is common for many women to take some time to experience orgasm during sexual intercourse.

You have also described your problem as situational. Should I take it that you have had orgasms earlier, like through self-stimulation, and only unable to reach climax during intercourse?

If this were true (I don’t count on this because you appear to be unsure of what orgasm feels like), then you can help yourself towards reaching orgasm by applying the same techniques you have used to climax when alone. For example, either you or your partner can stimulate your clitoris during intercourse, or you can assume a different position such as woman on top where you have more control over the type and intensity of stimulation and where you get a more direct clitoral touch. More than 50% women are believed to need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team