You state that you can not cum with your current boyfriend and I was wondering if you have ever had an orgasm with a past sexual partner or through masturbation? Also are you taking any medications? As many medications may also impair one's ability to reach orgasm.

Response to Dr. Gerdes: thank you for replying. i hope we can "cum" to a conclusion! the only medication i take is birth control. i dont see a reason for that to affect me. i have never had a orgasm with past partners, i have made myself have one. we have tried everything, i have masturbated while he was watching, i seem to come alot closer to a orgasm when we have anal sex, oral sex seems to do nothing but feel good. i myself while in the bath or shower have tried to find the spot but i can't. do you think there is something wrong with me? i hope to hear from you soon. take care

Dr. Gerdes: Thanks for the info. Birth control pills can cause a change in the sex drive (may increase or decrease it), but should not have any effect on your ability to reach orgasm. Hearing that you have been able to make yourself have an orgasm is good news. Also if you are trying to find your g spot you might find it eaiser if you lie down in a bed. The g spot can be hard to find by yourself. It often helps to have a parnter help you explore and remember not all women find stimulation of the g spot to be arousing. Regarding your orginal question Reaching orgasm with a partner is something that many women have a hard time doing. In many cases performance anxiety and stress only make the problem worse. It is of vital importance to be open and honest with your partner about both your sexual turn on¹s and turn off¹s. Masturbation is a great way to learn about your body and it is something that can also be enjoyed mutually with a partner. Additionally, many women find that clitoral stimulation is required for them to have an orgasm. Different lovemaking positions provide for different degrees of clitoral stimulation and many women find that the female superior position provides more direct clitoral stimulation and also better G Spot stimulation. You may also want to try using a vibrator with you partner during lovemaking. There are also numerous good books and video¹s available that focus on teaching individuals and couples about ways to enhance their sexual pleasures. One good video that focuses on teaching women how to have an orgasm is Becoming Orgasmic.

One last thing to keep in mind is that many individuals view having an orgasm as the most important part of a sexual experience. However, there are many pleasurable sexual experiences beside orgasm. Rather than viewing an orgasm as a goal, it should be viewed as only one part of the entire sexual expereince.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team