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Question:
I am a man of 39 years old. I have very few sexual
experience up to now and nearly all of them ended in
masturbation by my partner in order for me to
ejaculate. When I ejaculate, I do not experience
orgasm. This was probably caused by the low
sensitivity of my penis even when erected. I have
recently had my testosterone level checked and it
appeared to be normal (706ng/dL). Could it be caused
by some damage in my nerve system. I had epilepsy
when I was about 10, though the illness disappeared
when I was about 12.
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/14/2004)
Your recent question about your ejaculation problem
was forwarded to me. It is impossible to judge
whether your childhood epilepsy has anything to do
with your current problem. I think it is very likely that
the key to your problem may be found in the fact that
you have had very few sexual experiences until now.
Many men have the same problem which may resolve
once you get more experienced and relaxed. In other
words: There is much hope for you.
First of all: Are you currently taking any medication?
Several drugs (especially anti-depressants) can have
possible side effects of inhibiting ejaculation. If
yes, talk to your doctor about changing the dose or
the medication. Do not stop taking the medication
without consulting with your doctor first.
Secondly: You have probably masturbated alone for
many years. This is entirely normal and OK to do. Some
men find it easier to ejaculate during masturbation
(which they are used to do) than during intercourse.
Often it is possible to learn how to ejaculate during
intercourse, especially if you have a partner who is
willing to work together with you. One important
factor is to try to be relaxed with your partner. Sex
is more than just intercourse and orgasms. I can
highly recommend reading the book "The New Male
Sexuality" by Bernie Zilbergeld (1992) in order to get
some more information about this topic.
It is very positive that your partner seems to be able
to masturbate you until orgasm. Try each time to
arrange yourself in such a way that your penis gets
progressively nearer her vagina. Once you are
comfortable ejaculating close to her vagina while she
masturbates you, you are ready for the next step: She
stimulates you until you are near orgasm. Then you
inserts your penis partly into her vagina. She
continues to stimulate your penis while you thrust.
Once you are close to orgasm you signal to her and she
removes her hand. The coital thrusting will hopefully
bring about the actual orgasm. It may be helpful for
you to focus on some of your usual fantasies that you
use while masturbating. There is nothing wrong with
having fantasies during intercourse and this could be
a good way for you to distract yourself. Once you are
more comfortable you may not need to use your
fantasies at all.
If you do not succeed I recommend finding a
sex-therapist who can coach you and help you resolve
your problem.
Finally, orgasm and ejaculation are two separate
processes that usually but not necessarily occur
simultaneously. Once you get more relaxed and
experienced in your sexual relationship you may find
increased pleasure and eventually you may experience
orgasms during intercourse.
Good luck!
Annette Owens, MD PhDReviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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