1) Sensate focus exercises described by Drs. Masters and Johnson,

2) Pleasure mapping described by Dr. Stubbs, and

3) Charting your personal extragenital matrix (areas besides your genitals that may bring sexual pleasure) described by Drs. Whipple and Ogden are three options for increasing sexual communication and sexual pleasure. I am not sure whether you have a sexual partner, but assuming you do, let me describe what I usually tell couples:

Sensate focus exercises were developed by sex researchers Masters and Johnson in the 60’s but never have lost significance. I tell the couple to stop everything they are doing, most importantly to stop trying to have intercourse for a while. Instead I give them the assignment to create a relaxing atmosphere at home and to free up some time for each other. They are to touch each other’s bodies from top to toe, but to avoid touching their genitals or other arousing body parts such as nipples. I explain that the purpose of the touching is not to be a prelude to intercourse, but an enjoyment in itself. I specifically tell them not to have intercourse, but to explore different pleasant strokes and to find areas of their bodies that are pleasurable to have touched and caressed. A good summary of Dr. Stubbs’ pleasure mapping method is at http://www.sexologicalbodywork.com/doku.php?id=lovers_massage_and_sexual_well_being

These exercises place the emphasis on intimacy and pleasure versus the goal of performance and orgasm. So to sum it up, try to worry less about reaching orgasm, and focus more on exploring what sensations you are able to experience. As you said yourself, it’s a process of re-educating your body and the end result may very well be that you will be able to experience orgasms again. But you need to give yourself some time to get there, so in the meantime try to enjoy the process.

Good luck with everything,

Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by: Kathleen Scarbo (VanKirk) MA, DHS, CYT