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Question:
Every time I have sex, my body produces excessive vaginal lubrication within the first 30 seconds of penetration. My lubrication is so excessive that neither my partner nor I can feel any sensation. This lack of sensation causes my partner to loose his erection, which makes it difficult for him to get aroused again. During my annual pap, I told my gynecologist about this and she said there is nothing that can be done about my excessive lubrication. She suggested keeping a towel by the bed and trying to wipe away the excess occasionally. We have tried this, however his erection is gone by the time I am finished trying to wipe away all of the wetness. Using the towel does not work because I keep producing the lubricant. There has to be something I can do to reduce my wetness! This problem is driving both of us crazy.
My second problem is that I have never had an orgasm. This is a cause for frustration for me because I never feel satisfied and it also frustrates my partner because he doesn't feel adequate. I have recently begun masterbating, but nothing I do seems to work. What am I doing wrong? My partner (who is very well endowed) says that I have a very large vagina. He says that girls come in different sizes just like guys do, and I am quite large. He thinks this is why I generally do not feel anything during sex and cannot achieve orgasm. Could this be true? If so, is there anything I can do to shrink my vagina? (By the way, will this make childbirth easier??)
My last problem is actually my partner's problem but I believe it stems from my above problems. He has no problems getting an erection when I am playing with his penis manually or orally. However, recently (last 1-2 months) when I am trying to arouse him for sex, he cannot get aroused. I believe that he cannot get aroused for sex because he is anxious about my problems. If I am going to get too wet, if he is going to loose his erection, that he won't be able to give me an orgasm, etc. I would really like to help him get over his anxiety. This anxiety is also decreasing his sex drive significantly. The only way we can have sex is if I surprise him. Example: the other day I discreetly took off my pants under a blanket and proceeded to "just play" with his penis while he was watching football. Of course since he thought we weren't going to have sex, he had no problem getting an erection. That is when I suprised him by jumping on him. I was not able to feel a thing since there was so much lubrication, but he felt enough sensation to have an orgasm and ejaculate.
I would like to be able to help my partner overcome his anxiety about having sex with me and to increase his sex drive. He has never had problems like this with anyone else. I would also like to know if there is absolutely anything I can do about my excessive lubrication and if there are any surefire techniques to help myself achieve orgasm. My partner and I (ages 22 and 21 respectively) have been together for 1.5 years and are extremely happy in the relationship. This is the only area of the relationship that we have difficulties.
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Answer:
by Sandra L. Caron: ()
You raise some really good questions. Yes, the lubrication issue sounds distressing, but nothing that you can't negotiate with your partner. I am wondering about your prior experience- since what you may perceive as excessive may actually be normal. Beyond "wiping as you go" I am not sure what else to suggest.
In terms of you lack of orgasm - I have found that some women have better success with the help of a vibrator - once she understands what the orgasm feels like, and how to achieve one, she is better able to find ways to stimulate herself to orgasm. By the way, not all women orgasm with intercourse - many women need clitoral stimulation - not just penis-in-vagina action.
In terms of your boyfriend's apparent anxiety, you are smart to raise the issue - and to recognize that he does appear to have some concerns. Perhaps talking, acknowledging, and backing off from sexual interaction - taking the pressure off - would be useful. I also have a few books I would suggest you both read. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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