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Question:
Ever since I was about 9 yrs old I have always ejaculated by rubbing my penis against a pillow so whenever I ejaculated, my penis was always standing straight up. After many years of doing this, now whenever i feel aroused, my penis stands straight up. I thought that this might be a problem in the future when I tried to have intercourse and wasn't sure until I attempted to have intercourse for the first time this summer. When I was on top of the girl and tried to stick my penis in her vagina, it seemed that it just wouldn't go into the hole. After many minutes of trying to move my penis around so it would go in, I finally achieved slight penetration. I didn't feel like i was fully penetrating, however, and I proceeded to switch positions for better penetration. I was never able to get my penis to enter again that night. This has been my only sexual encounter and I'm scared that all my future ones will all be like this one. I now ejaculate w/ my hand so my penis is as straight forward as possible but it always wants to go upward. My question is how common a problem is this and CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME!
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Answer:
by Susan Ludwig: ()
Thank you for writing to Sexualhealth.com. Your question is somewhat out of my area of expertise -- but I have had some experience talking to young men about their sexual activity in clinic, and it is based on that experience that I would like to offer you some support. I hope that you will look at some of the other experts here at Sexualhealth.com -- and seek their advice as well.
I want to congratulate you on talking about your worries. Too many of the young men I see (and some of the not so young men) are afraid to talk about their feelings of insecurity around their sexual ability. I want to assure you that you are not alone.
I would like to suggest that you and your partner go to a family planning clinic where you can talk about your concerns. You will also be able to talk to a counselor about sexual health and responsibility.
Now to answer your question. First of all, I would like to reassure you that the position of your penis sounds to be normal -- and nothing about it needs to be corrected. Second, I would like to reassure you that your first experience sounds like it was not unusual. Sexual relationships with another person involve skills -- and these need to be learned and practiced.
From what you say, the problem you experienced with your first sexual encounter may have been related to something having to do with your partner's response to the experience. It sounds like she did not have enough lubrication to allow your penis easy entry into her vagina. In addition, her hymen may have been strong enough to prevent you easy entry. A physical assessment by a doctor or nurse practitioner would be helpful to let both of you know if this were the case.
There are many things you can do to become more comfortable with your sexual relationship. First is to find out what turns your partner on. You need to talk about this -- and you need to explore her body and find the specific things that she needs in order to help her to be aroused enough to make lots of vaginal lubrication. This means looking -- with lots of light!!! (maybe a mirror and a flashlight if you need it -- you need to know the details!) It may seem hard and unnatural to talk about these things -- and it is important for a healthy and satisfying sex life. Of course, she needs to know what turns herself on -- and be willing to show you.
Second, if lubrication continues to be a difficulty, you can buy a personal lubricant. You will be able to purchase these wherever you purchase your condoms -- just be sure that the lube is water based and intended for sexual intimacy (not necessarily for medical examination!). Talk about your preferences with your partner -- and find out her preferences also. Some erotica stores have a wide variety of choices -- some of which are playful as well as providing lubrication for both of your pleasure.
Finally, remember that there are many things that have an impact on sexual pleasure. If one or both of you are frightened, feeling rushed, or worried about anything, you will find that seuxal pleasure is difficult. It is a skill -- and like any other skill, you need experience and practice to feel successful.
I wish you and your partner all the best as you explore this aspect of your relationship!! Please keep asking questions -- and learn as much as you can about this part of your life together.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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