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Question:
I've never found sex that stimulating. I go for hours and get tired without climaxing. The only way I can climax is it I masturbate and then I can climax with my girlfriend. I'm young and active, what can I do? Oral sex doesn't make me climax either. Please help me with this! I know it's delay ejaculation but what can be done? Any pills? Thanks

Answer:
by John (Jack) Johnston: ()
Since you're pretty new at this, my first advice would be not to panic, give yourself and your partner some time to get acquainted erotically, and for you to get acquainted with yourself in the context of making love with a partner. You asked about pills... I think it may be a little early to be concerned about there being something mechanically or medically wrong with you. Keep in mind though that it's VERY common for someone new to sex with a partner to have a number of fears and anxieties about whether you'll be adequate, whether or not everything is working correctly in a mechanical sense, etc. It seems that based on your description, it's a question of arousal. That is, learning what turns you on... really turns you on when you're with a partner. As paradoxical as this may sound, I suggest that you give yourself lots of time when you are with your partner, don't try to rush to climax. That's an old habit that most men have from experiences with self-pleasuring (masturbation). It's really important to give yourself and your partner plenty of time to get really turned on. I really like Jack Morin's book called The Erotic Mind, because it helps you discover what really turns you on. It's a bit involved, and if you're in a hurry it might be a little frustrating because it doesn't just give you a quick fix answer, any more than my audio seminar Male Multiple Orgasm Step by Step does. But in my view, that IS the answer: Learn to slowwwww down and really tune in to how you are feeling. I know that you said you can go on for hours, but I wonder if all of those hours are spent in "trying" to climax. Sex can be very paradoxical, and one of the biggest paradoxes is that we need to slow down and learn to relax more and tune in LOTS more to what's happening with you and your partner in the moment. Best regards, Jack

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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