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Question:
Dear Larry,
Well I am a 15 year old from canada I have a question for you: What do you think are the 3 pros of having sex during your teen years???? All I have heard is why it is negative and now I want to undeerstand why teens want to have sex.Thanks so much
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: ()
Hi and thanks for writing in to SexualHealth.com.
I am so pleased to able to address your question because, like you, I tend to hear people talk only of the negative aspects of teen sexual activity. There are a few reasons, I believe, why there is so much pressure put on young people to not have sex.
One is the way people tend to view religion. For some, the only "proper" place for sex is in the context of marriage, usually for reproduction alone. Please understand that this is the opinion of these people and has no basis in any religious teaching. Another reason why people are opposed to teens having sex is because they fear that teens are not mature enough, across the board, to prevent the unwanted negative consequences that can occur (ie, unintended pregnancy, STIs, HIV and thogh most don't include it, the emotional as well). This is also related to the next reason why people want teens to abstain from sex: They themselves have no education in sexuality and are not comfortable talking to young people about such "sensitive" topics. This, I'm afraid, is far and away the most common. What is happening is that adults are unable to talk to their teens about sex because they are not comfortable. They then hold their teens responsible for their discomforts by telling them to abstain - let's face it, it's easier then learning how to work through discomfort. It seems that we fall short on the skills necessary to teach young people HOW to think for themselves and, instead, try to tell them WHAT to think.
As human beings, we are sexual beings; from the time we're born (actually, even before that!) to the time we die. In North America, sex and sexuality are not treated as normal biological functions that are based on hormones, physical development, and psychological drives. Instead, we treat it as a "moral" issue. That is why there is so much heated argument about how and what to call sex education. I really can't give you your 3 reasons why it's ok for teens to have sex because the decision process involved is different for everyone. I tend to look at such things as being mature enough to be able to talk with your (potential) partner about what it means to the relationship to add the dimension of sex, what methods will you both use to protect yourselves from the negative consequences, what you like and don't like (and setting limits) sexually, and can you enjoy each other sexually without having to include intercourse or other penetrations. It really is a process of experimentation, but one that requires a good deal of responsiblity. While it's true that sex is "perfectly natural," it's not naturally perfect so having as much information and communication as possible is important.
Sex is a wonderful, natural, and beautiful aspect of being human. It is a way to experience the pleasure that can be shared between people, as well as within ourselves. I know 15 and 16 year olds who are quite mature enough to handle the responsibilities of having sex. I also know 30 and 40 year olds who are not. Perhaps it will help to get to know yourself first; know how and where to pleasure yourself, your styles of orgasm, what turns you on/off, what you feel you can and cannot talk about, etc. This can greatly enhance your ability to experience sexual pleasures and will be helpful in communicating your desires to a partner. It also helps show that there are many, many ways to be sexual without having intercourse.
Why do teens want to have sex? Because they are biologically driven to. The drive is also increased by the "forbidden fruit" aspect of it as well. Why do people in general have sex? Because it feels good. Just remember that all precious gifts require care and responsibility. If one is ready and able to take that care and responsibility, they may be ready to have sex. When done in a mature and healthy way, sex can help young people learn responsibility, get to know themselves, learn about communication, relate to people on an intimate level, explore fantasies, and take ownership of both their bodies and their sexuality.
I hope this was somewhat helpful to you. Please feel free to write back should you have any other questions or conceerns.
Take care and be well.
Larry SiegelReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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