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Question:
My mom is scheduled to have a hysterectomy on August 7, 2001, due to a badly fallen bladder. The doctor said that it was because she had been having sex in the wrong "hole" which I assume was the urethra. Well, I am very scared about having sex after this, because I know that the hole to your bladder is so close to your vagina, and entrance in my vagina is very tough, it hurts, and when I use my dildo, I don't know if it's going in the wrong hole or not. I'm very scared about this and also confused.I did an internet search on diagrams of the vagina, but nothing turned up, so how can I know if I am hitting the wrong hole? And how can I avoid that hole. Also, me and my fiance haven't yet had actual intercorse, but I think the time may be near, and since only 1.5 inches in girth hurts me so bad, then I don't think I can take the approximately 4.5 inches in girth he has, would it ease the pain if we used heavy lubricant?

Answer:
by S. Chris Saad:
(06/14/2004)
Hello, You might find it helpful to look at yourself in the mirror. You will see 3 holes. The front hole is your urethra, the middle hole is your vagina, and the rear hole is your anus. Once you find the vagina in the mirror, you will feel more sure that you have the "right" hole. If you are dry, intercourse can be painful even in the vagina. You might try some sex play to get you aroused before your partner penetrates you. Use of a water-based lubricant such as KY Jelly can help. Never use Vaseline or any other oil-based lubricant, as oil based lubricants can cause infection in the vagina. Some women just don't find penetration pleasurable. If intercourse is not pleasurable for you, you and your partner might explore alternatives such as oral sex. You may also want to talk to your mother to clearify what the doctor told her and share your concerns about furuture intercourse. Please contact us if you have further questions. S. Chris Saad, PhD

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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