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Question:
I am a 16 year old female and I have just started having sex with my boyfriend. I have never had an orgasm, and it is starting to concern me as intercourse does not satisfy both of us. I thought this could be because I am not confident with my genital area. I used to shave my pubic region, and now I get ingrown hairs where I pluck areas, they become scars and it is not a great appearance, I am not very confomfortable about this. What can I do to clear up this problem and start enjoying sex?
Please help
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (06/08/2004)
I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to write back to you. I was away when your question came. Let me start this by saying that I'm so happy that you are feeling confident enough 1) to ask the questions you asked and 2) to want to have pleasure in your sexual life.
Though it is possible that your feelings of discomfort over how your genital area looks may affect your orgasm, this may not be the case. I'm not dismissing your discomfort at all. It just may be a different issue. You didn't discuss what type of relationship you have with your boyfriend, but often when a couple decides to go further sexually they have been experimenting with other sexual behaviors. Those behaviors may have revealed your body and genitals as well. He may know your body and not really be concerned about the way it looks. For one reason, when we are engaged in sexual arousal there isn't much opportunity to observe the body. Unless he has many partners before you, he has no basis for comparison if he was observing AND he may enjoying feeling you, pleasing you and not at all be concerned about what you are concerned about. Your body is what it is and no one has a perfect one. We usually care about the person, not their body. He would be pretty shallow if he was only attracted to a body. Often it is our uniqueness, in body and in spirit, that makes us who we are. So consider the way your genitals unique!
As for the orgasm, it is really rare for a woman in a couple to have an orgasm early on in the involvement of sexual intercourse. First of all, orgasm depends on the way you respond to stimulation and EACH woman is different. Often, women don't even have an orgasm through intercourse. The position, with the penis inside the vagina, is often more conducive for pleasuring the man, not a woman partner. The pleasure centers in the female to trigger orgasm may be on the outside (though some could be inside depending on your body and figuring out where they are and how much they need to be touched). You and your partner need to just spend time turning each other on in a variety of ways and figure out what feels good. Often people masturbate in private to figure out where the pleasure parts and the way to be touched and when they are ready to have a partner they then communicate their needs to the partner. It often takes women awhile to do this.
I really suggest that you just keep enjoying pleasuring each other. Don't make orgasm the goal (because then you miss the pleasure of the turn on and can lose the goal as a result) and learn to pleasure through many different ways, using the mouth, fingers, body rubbing and any other way that feels good. Many try different positions that really feel erotic. You can have such fun figuring it out instead of worrying about it. Just keep exploring and enjoying each other.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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