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Question:
PLEASE HELP ME, I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED?
I HAVE TRIED SEX MANY TIMES BUT I CANNOT INSERT
MY PENIS IN HER VAGINA. MY PENIS IS STRONG IN
START BUT LOOSENS WHEN I HAVE TO GET IN. EVEN IF
IT IS TIGHT , IT LOOSENS? WHAT TO DO , PLEASE HELP
Please doctor , i beg of you, in a month i am going to be married.
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Answer:
by Cynthia Ruberg: ()
Congratulations on your marriage and thank you for the question. I am sorry you are having problems with your attempts at vaginal
penetration and I hope I can be of help to you (and your bride).
When you say your penis is "tight" in the beginning and then "loosens" when you attempt vaginal entry, I'm assuming you mean that your
erection is firm at first but becomes soft upon attempts at insertion, making intercourse impossible. This situation can be very frustrating and scary for a man! Let me explain what I think is happening to you first and then I will make some suggestions for you to try to remedy your concern.
Although you describe your penis as being "tight" and then "loosening," that in fact does not really occur. What actually happens is: Your penis becomes filled with blood when you become sexually excited. This process causes your penis to become firm and stiff and feel "tight." If you become scared or worried or even try too hard (such as when attempting intercourse), you can cause the blood in your erect penis to drain out into your body, making your penis soft and feeling as if it has
"loosened."
Although this situation is easy to explain, fixing it is not as simple because the causes can be many. Some men have difficulty maintaining
erections because they smoke or "do" drugs or take medications that interfere with keeping their erections stable. Could this apply to you?
In your case, however, it sounds like you mostly have what we call "performance anxiety." If this indeed is the case, your anxiety about having successful intercourse may be causing you to become scared when you are ready to "perform." You may be mentally watching your penis and monitoring it’s hardness instead relaxing and experiencing the feelings that you need to feel in order to stay sexually excited. When
this happens, it is not uncommon for a man to loose his erection.
The best remedy for "performance anxiety" is not to perform! In other words, do not try to have intercourse at first. (I realize this idea
may sound bad to you as a new husband, but it may pay off in your future.) Just try to relax and enjoy touching your bride and receiving
her touches all over your body. Just concentrate on the process of being together and loving each other, without any goals of intercourse. Be as sensual and romantic as possible and go slowly! If you get an erection that is fine. Just notice it, but don’t try to use it just yet. When
and if you feel confident that you can get erections, then let them subside, then get them back by mutual touching and caressing, you
may proceed to try to have intercourse under relaxed and unhurried circumstances. If you still have problems, I strongly suggest that you
contact a sex therapist. Go to www.AASECT.org for a listing.
Another option is to talk to your physician about the benefits of taking a small dose of the drug Viagra. Viagra may help you to get and keep
your erections, thereby giving you the confidence you need to sustain firm erections in future sexual encounters without the use of
medications. Best wishes to you and your new bride.
Sincerely,
Cynthia Lief Ruberg, LPCC, FAACS Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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