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Question:
I am not sure if my problem is medical or sexual but no one seems to have any idea how to help so I thought a miracle may happen here and you may know the answer. Can a time come in a womans life when she can no longer feel sexual arousal or have an orgasm by a man? I am 44, my sex drive is in over drive and as been since I was a teenager, so I have not lost my sexual interest. I was married for 22 years and I never had a problem feeling aroused or having many many orgasms in all way that it is possible. I am with someone new after 8 years without a man in my life and not only can I not have any kind of orgasm with him, I do not get aroused has I should. Different positions do not help!!! I can have one if I masturbate but at times that can take a long long time and I use to be able to do it really fast and when in a very short time frame of doing it again. I have tried thinking of other people(may not be fair to my current partner but if it would help) but that doesn't work. If I change my breathing or allow myself to become a tiger in bed it just brings frustration. Not having the orgasms wouldn't be so bad if I could just enjoy the actual sex with my partner. He is well endowed so you would think that would be a plus but it isn't. I have even found myself allowing him to hurt me just to feel something!!! I really don't think this is a good idea because it could cause damage for me. Don't misread this, he doesn't know he is hurting me, and this is done by allowing him to go to deep or me positioning myself so when he pentetrates he hits the cervix or my ovaries. I am under no stress, well sexual stress from not getting what I need but other than that none. I don't think of nothing but his touches when we are together. I am willing to do or try anything to enjoy sex. I was tested last year and my estogen level is good so what in the world is going on here? I do pc exercise in and outside of the bedroom. Could there be a medical reason for all this. I had a check up last year and went on some anti depressant medication but I have not taken any in over 6 months because I am no longer under the stress I was. I hope this has given you enough info to work with. Is it possible that all men can not turn a woman on and please her? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/29/2004)
Your last sentence in you additional information was "I need to be fulfilled as well or I just become nothing more than a mechanical device for pleasing my partner…" Your lack of arousal may be partly related to how you and your partner relate during sex. You seem very focused on achieving goals, such as reaching orgasm not only once and fast, but several times in a row. I would suggest trying to relax and to enjoy the ride and not only worry about getting to your final destination (orgasm). Work on connecting with your new partner on an intimate and emotional level. Explore his body and have him explore yours, and forget about orgasms for a while. Be inventive. You may discover things that arouse you and sex may become more fun.
You mentioned having taken antidepressants a few months ago. Some antidepressants make it harder to reach orgasm, but in your case the medications should be out of your system by now. You also mentioned that you are taking herbs, but no medications. Herbs can have powerful effects and it may be a good idea to try to stop taking them for a while and to see whether that changes anything.
Being 44 you may be approaching menopause, and this can have an impact on arousal. I always suggest viewing menopause as a normal part of life. Our bodies are simply not designed to continue procreating without stop. Your sexual desire has been in overdrive since you were a teenager. It may be a good time to start relaxing at this time.
Good luck,
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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