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Question:
PLEASE RESPOND!!!
My wife and I just got married 2 months ago and we are experiencing frustration in sex. She experiences orgasm through clitoral stimulation but when I go inside her it almost always hurts her. The first time we had sex I wasn't able to enter her because she entrance was not large enough. I am now able to go in with little pain but she feels nothing pleasurable. She is on Estrostep birth control and has been for 6 months. We were both virgins at time of marriage and she is 21 and i am 22. We struggle because while I am inside her I have satisfaction and she has none which leaves us both feeling a little empty. She does orgasm through the clitoris but what can we do about vaginal and does the birth control have anything to do with it, or am I doing something wrong??
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Answer:
by Raven James: (10/02/2007)
Rest assured that you are not doing anything “wrong.” It is fairly common for women who are becoming sexually active to experience pain and discomfort for a number of reasons. Sometimes the hymen (tissue that a woman is born with at the vaginal opening) may be thicker than normal and not have completely stretched or torn with penetration. And even if it has, there can be apprehension or fear on the part of a woman in having sex for the first time. Given the fact that she experienced some pain with first intercourse (always normal) she may still unconsciously have apprehension due to the pain. This can make subsequent sexual encounters a source of anxiety, causing her to “tense up” and not be able to relax and become adequately aroused before penetration. Clitoral orgasm is the most common and intense form of orgasm, with vaginal orgasm being much less intense or common. It may help for you not to focus on vaginal orgasm as her main source of pleasure. If this is what the issue actually is (apprehension over painful penetration), you will want to be patient and not focus so much on penetration, but focus instead on arousing each other through touch. Before attempting any penetration, foreplay can be important. What turns her on? French kissing, touching each other, caressing her breasts, and teasing her will help her to become aroused. Remember, sexual pleasuring is a process, not an event. Sometimes, folks are so focused on orgasm, they forget to take it slow and enjoy each other. It takes time to get to know each other and what types of touch and sensation you both respond to. Once she is aroused, try to enter her with your fingers, stretching her slowly. Or if you do enter her with your penis, do not enter her all the way. Start with just the head of the penis and focus on not entering her fully. You will need some self-control to not penetrate her deeply through the encounter. It may take some time and patience on your part, but over time, as she learns to relax and not experience pain through penetration, you may be able to enter her a little more deeply without hurting her. If your penis is large in circumference, pain could potentially be an issue as entering her deeply too quickly is rushing her ability to accept your penis comfortably. Another possibility is that her hymen is still partially intact, causing the pain and discomfort. A trip to the gynecologist would clear up whether or not this is the source of the pain or not. I would suggest ruling out the physical issue and than explore the anxiety issue second. If you have other concerns, please write back.Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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