Answer:
by Kathleen VanKirk: (10/07/2005)
The short answer is that yes you are overreacting. Many people have their first sexual experiences with someone of the opposite sex yet they don't identify themselves as gay or even bi-sexual for that matter. Often growing up it seems safer to experiment with someone of one's own gender. What matters now is that he now obviously identifies as a heterosexual man. And your boyfriend obviously felt safe enough with you to give you this information. Many go through their whole lives without sharing the "secrets" of how they first experienced sex. I would consider it an honor that he felt secure enough in your relationship to tell you something so intimate.
The fact that the experimentation involved oral sex versus just a hand job is neither here nor there. You seem to be placing the value that oral sex is "more gay" than mutual masturbation. I would say the same thing even if anal sex were to have been involved. It doesn't necessarily matter what and how many times he experimented. What matters is how he identifies himself now. As long as he is (pardon the pun) being "straight" with you now I don't believe you have anything to worry about.
Opposed to popular belief, sexuality can be far more fluid than fixed over the lifetime. Early sexual experiences definitely fall under that. Although, there may be a range of sexual behavior that people engage in, it is still a range. The labels of sexual orientation are just what we as a culture assign to categorize people. If you'd like more information on how people develop their orientations you might want to check out Dr. Jack Morin's book The Erotic Mind.
Now if for some reason you feel like he's hiding more information from you, ask him. But if the only evidence you have of him being potentially gay is this, I wouldn't read too much into it. And good for him that he's unapologetic. He should not feel compelled to be ashamed of his sexual history. If you feel he needs to be more shameful perhaps you should look at your own hang ups about sex.
Copyright 2005 Libida.com and Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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