epublishing store: Intro

Sexual Health eBook Volume3
Chapter 17

Alternate Expressions, Carol Motuz

A man is strung up naked by the wrists while a woman stripes his back with a flogger. What is going on? It depends on context, obviously. It could be torture of a prisoner for information. In the antebellum South, it could have been punishment of a delinquent slave by his mistress. Even today, in some places, it could be legally sanctioned punishment of an offender. On the other hand, it could be sex play with the consent of the “victim” or an erotic role-play in which two people are engaged in a loving sexual relationship, which they express through bondage-discipline acts.

Alternate expressions of sexuality may refer to behaviors, urges, and fantasies, which we will refer to as “expressions,” or to ways of living out these behaviors, urges, or fantasies, which we will call “lifestyles.” In both types of statements, an individual, couple, or group chooses to articulate or represent their view of their sexuality in a certain way. In most cases, they make a statement about their preferred ways of engaging with another person or object in a sexual manner. There can be some overlap between expressions and lifestyles, in that people who wish to express their sexuality in a particular way may decide to live out that expression through adopting a certain lifestyle. For example, people who express their sexuality through bondage-discipline/dominance-submission/sadomasochism (BDSM) may either do so on occasion or live in a dominant-submissive relationship with a partner in a BDSM lifestyle.

People express and share their sexuality in a variety of ways; some of these may be viewed as different or labeled alternative. “Alternative” does not necessarily mean weird, deviant, or sick. How we practice and perceive our sexuality always depends on the social context that we are in. This can include such factors as age, gender, marital status, religious beliefs, and culture. For example, children having sexual experiences is considered wrong and inappropriate in North American society, yet those same experiences are considered normal and healthy among adults; and among the Mangaians in the South Pacific, pubertal boys are instructed in sexual techniques by the older women in the society so that they will be good lovers (Marshall, 1971).

People react differently to alternative expressions of sexuality: some people feel they are a better way of expressing their feelings or sexual identity, some think they are weird, some consider them to be sick, and others feel they should be considered deviant or criminal behavior. While many couples practice activities such as light spanking, loose bondage, or fantasy role-plays as part of their “normal” lovemaking, they would regard an intensification of these activities as “abnormal.” Where are the boundaries? What is okay and what is not? This chapter explores the different ways of loving and the factors that affect how people think of them.

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