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Love and Relationships: Differences in Sexual Desire

Differences in Sexual Desire Introduction:
A challenge many partners face is a difference in sexual desire. One partner may feel in the mood for sex all the time, while the other may have little or no interest. Sexual desire is not determined by any one factor – people often simply have different levels. When this is not talked about – or, when it is talked about within the context of one partner convincing another to have sex or “giving in” even when she or he does not want to have sex – it creates serious problems for a relationship. This channel provides examples of how couples with different levels of sexual desire and interest can communicate about this openly and seek common ground so that both partners feel comfortable, safe and satisfied within the relationship.

Differences in Sexual Desire Articles:

  • Pheromones: There Really Is Chemistry Between People
  • Sexual Expectations: Realistic or Not
  • Interview with Dr. Marty Klein, Author of Beyond Orgasm
  • Respecting Personal Boundaries
  • The Top Ten Reasons for Low Libido
  • Kaiser Permanente Study Shows One in Seven Women are Depressed Before, During, or After Pregnancy
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Sexuality
  • Sexually Out of Sync
  • Dealing With A Narcissistic Lover
  • Couples in Unconsummated Marriages
  • Honey, Your Feet Are Freezing! And Other Things I Wish I Could Tell You In Bed
  • Hidden Battles on Unseen Fronts: The Battle for Love

    • Ask a question regarding Love and Relationships - Differences in Sexual Desire

    Answered Love and Relationships - Differences in Sexual Desire Questions:

  • Hello, I am a 24yr old lesbian with low sex drive and my girlfriend is 30 with high sex drive. She gets mad at me at times -- what do I do? I try talking to her and letting her know how I feel but eve ....
  • I just turned 40 and my husband is 55. We have been together for 15 years. I have no sexual desire. I may want to have sex once a month. I'm sure that is due to my ovulation period. He says if he neve ....
  • My husband is 36 and I'm 39. We didn't date for long and were married eight months ago. In the beginning of our relationship he could get hard from oral sex and orgasm. He wanted to have sex all th ....
  • I have been in a relationship for three years now. We recently moved in together and although things are a little tough we are trying to make it work. Both of us say that we love each other too much ....
  • My husband and I have been married for 6.5 years and together for almost 8 years. We have a few young children and our sex life seems to be slowly losing it's fire. I want to spice things up by brin ....
  • This is very hard to ask, but I hope to get an answer. My wife has been loyal and great marriage for 27 years. She is 13 years younger than me. I am almost 60 and not the man i use to be, Before we we ....
  • I am a 22 year old who has been happily married for 2 years. In the past year or so my husband and I have recognized that my libido is nearly gone. I have no children and no real understanding of why ....
  • I am trying desperately to understood my partner's need for pornography outside of our relationship. I never reject his advances and often initiate sex. I am not adverse to watching pornography togeth ....
  • I am a 20 year old guy and have been seriously dating this girl, whom i love very much, but seem to be having some sexual difficulties with for about 5 months now. We have been together now for over ....
  • I am 24 years old. My first sexual experience was in 8th grade, I must have been 13. I was at a birthday party watching a movie amongst other friends when my "boyfriend" of 1 month fingered me under ....
  • Well, it all started a couple of years ago.My husband and i sarted daing 12/17/00 and we pretty much had sex regularly but when he got his own apartment ,is when it all started.it is now 5 years later ....
  • Hello:

    I am 54 years old and my wife just turned 49. We have been married for 24 years and have 2 boys 20 and 9 yrs old. We are both professionals, I am an engineer turned businessman and m ....

  • Dear Dr. Kat,

    I'm in a happy marriage of fifteen years and couldn't love my husband more. However, I have been having a secret affair for the past year with another man. Although, my husband and ....

  • My husband and I are getting prepared to have a lot of family over for the holidays. The problem is that we're concerned that having family stay with us will affect our sex life negatively. With m ....
  • Dear Dr. Kat,

    I'm in a new relationship and things are absolutely great between my boyfriend and me. We're really compatible in all areas of our life except sex. There just seems to be no sexua ....

  • My wife and I have been married 23 years.In the past 4 years I always initiate sex. Nowadays, I manually bring her to orgasm and she always returns the favor. She says that she's available any time. B ....
  • I see all kinds of ways to increase a womans libido but seem to run into a dead end when trying to reduce or eliminate it. My spouse works a lot and is too tired to feel like sex more often than not. ....
  • i am having a problem with my man in the bedroom we are a gay couple been together for almost 10 months hes not a very sexual person and i have a high sex drive i am 22 hes 43 my problem is he always ....
  • Do partners, where one partner has completely lost their sex drive, ever agree on some sort of outsourcing for the driven partner? My girlfriend and i have been together for 6 years and have a wonderf ....
  • OK. this is a question about my fiancee. He is 31 and has a very low sex drive. I am 21 and love him to death he is perfect in every other way. We have a great relationship. Always open with eachothe ....
  • My boyfriend just returned from studying abroad for six months. We did not date other people during this period. When he returned, he started getting headaches during foreplay that increase upon org ....
  • It takes my boyfriend from 3 up to 8 hours to have an orgasm. What I wanna know is if there are some technics that I can use in bed to help him ejaculate faster.
  • I have been married 7 months but have not been able to feel aroused or been able to have penetrative sex as it is too painful...I was looking forward to the sexual part of my life as I remained a virg ....
  • I have very low sex drive and in contrast, my husband has very high sex desire. I cant have sex more than once a day since I feel very painful during intercourse. How can I solve my problem?
  • i cant seem to reach a climex when haveing sex with my husband i be wanting to reach a climex sooo bad that i get mad at my husband I stay mad all of the time. I be wanting my husband touch me hold me ....
  • I'm not sure that I've ever had an orgasm. Does that mean that I haven't? I seem to reach a sexual plateau, rather than a peak, and when I'm tired of being there, I "push" myself into an orgasm. Or I ....
  • I have been married less than a year and have an extremely low sex drive. I can go 3 weeks with out sex and be fine and my husband is climbing the walls. I am extremely frusterated with this, as is he ....
  • Im 20 yrs old and married for 9 mos. I have no sexual desire and its reflecting on my marriage with my husband who is always in desire and I want better desire to keep our good relationship and to ma ....
  • Doctor,

    I have some sex problems. I am 28 male and my wife is 26.

    My problem is my wife’s sex drive is very low. She gets mood to have sex rarely (once is 2 months and all).

    And wh ....

  • I am married for almost 4 yrs now. I have a wonderful husband who I dearly love. But for the past year, I seem to lack sexual desire. Lately, I really just don't have the desire to make love with my h ....
  • My wife is 32 yrs old (I'm 44 yrs. old). She is in her sexual prime, but is having problems with her sexual desire and sex drive - there is none. She has been diagnosed as having Hashimoto's disease ....
  • This email come to my work. I would really like your imput, but am concerned with the confidentiality. Is there a way to notify me where to go to find the response, so it doesn't come here to work u ....
  • I have a boyfriend who was sexually abused by his stepfather when he was young. He is now 30. He confronted his abuser when he was 22 and he is now in jail. Everthing was fine, including sexually unti ....
  • I am a 33 year old, fairly attractive woman that has never had an orgasm. I have a history of getting bored with my relationships. I have previously had 2 relationships of over 2 years, 1 of over 5 ye ....
  • My boyfriend is 19 years old and in his sexual prime. However he rarely wants to have sex. I think this is because he feels he is not satisfying me because I dont reach orgasm through intercourse ....
  • I would like to know if i am being unreasonable in my thinking that there is a differance between making love and sex. I feel like my husband and I just have sex because I don't feel as though there i ....
  • I am very depressed because I have a wonderful man who I am marrying in a year and I don't have much desire to have sex. We were very active when we first met. Now, I am always either to tired to have ....
  • My husband and I have been together 7 years and he isn't intrested in sex at all. He says that he likes it and all when we do have sex maybe once every other month but he just doesn't want it. He was ....
  • My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for 7 years before then. We had our first baby about 4 months ago. Since the baby was born, we have not had sexual intercourse. Whenever we ....
  • My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 4. Our sex life in her words has never been more than "ok" but in the last few months the situation has got worse. At present we have neither ....
  • I would like to know if there is an herb or medicine I could take to reduce my libido. I've been married for 17 years, and my wife is unable to have sex. My libido causes me to have nearly constant ....
  • Biting the partner: what does it mean??

    Dear doctor, My partner has very strange behaviour. He bites me every time whenever we make love. Sometime even when we just kiss. That leaves bruises, w ....

  • Me and my girl friend have been dating for 7 years. Sex was great up the last year. We used to have sex ever time we had the chance. When she got pregnant she seemed to lose all interest in sex, our ....
  • My girlfriend of a year and a half has a sister who I am very attracted to. I would not ever attempt to be sexual with her, but it is very, very uncomfortable to be around her sister. I do enjoy some ....
  • My girlfriend and I are both bisexual. We have been in a monogamous relationship (albeit long distance) for over a year. She is very assertive sexually, and I am not, so much. This seems to cause some ....
  • I have been in a relationship with a man who I love dearly for 3 years. When we first met it was like we had both found "the right" partners. We were happy for 3/6months. I noticed that my partner was ....
  • Hi i'm a 19 year old female and have been living with my boyfriend fore 2 years now our sex life WAS great...but now i feel like it has gone down the drain..My boyfriend is extreamily submissive and i ....
  • My wife is 30, and seams to have lost interest in having intercourse, being intimate, not even liking to cuddle in bed. I am 39. Sex is becoming less frequent - once per month now. My wife is a ver ....
  • my problem is that me and my girlfriend has been having sex occasionally before and now she just suddenly feels that she do not want to have it any more.I feel bad as there is a crave for it.Although ....
  • I am 22 married with a one year old son.i have been with my now husband for 6 years and our sex life was great. when i got preganent with my son I knew my sex drive was down, But now its like I don't ....
  • My husband doesn't want sex as much as I do.
  • My husband and I are in our 40's and were married last year. Prior to marriage he didn't have an extremely strong sex drive but we had sex several times a month and occasionally more often but since w ....
  • i want sex but he wont hump me?
  • Great site by the way - lots of information. Unfortunately, not much on what is on my mind. My question(s)relates to typical, standard or normal patterns in sexual behaviour. I know there is often n ....
  • My wife and I have been married for 8 years now, with two children ages 6 & 7. It seems after our kids been born, my wife has lost her sex drive. I am wanting to have sex with her everyday if we c ....
  • My partner and i have been having sex for a long time, but i have been wanting to try new things i was wondering if u could advise me on some positions or give me websites?
  • Hello, I have been married for 33 years. For the past several years I have had problems keeping an erection with my wife. After our last child was born 24 years ago she began not being as interested ....
  • My question is actually for my partner. When have been discussing a problem he has been having. Lately he just hasn't had a sex drive. Well it kind of comes and goes but most of the time he has no des ....
  • I have been with my g'f for over 2 years now. In those two years she has let me make love to her twice and she has touched me once. Is there anything that we can do to help her in her desire for sex ....
  • I am 24 years old and have been married for one year.For the last six months or so, I have had absolutely no interest in sex or sexual activity, and it is starting to cause a lot of problems in my mar ....
  • I'm a female involved in a relationship with another female. We have 3 children between the two of us. My partner has an extremely high sex drive. She has to have sex every day. If not, she gets d ....
  • Melissa, I have been in a long distance relationship with a man 52 y/o and have become aware when I fly to see him that he spends approx 4 hours a day on the net looking up porno and masturbating. He ....
  • my boyfriend and i have lived together for 2 months we sleep in seperate rooms. Sometimes he sends me to bed to my room then he gets on his computer to look at porn. I told him this bothers me. He say ....
  • I stumbled upon your bio as a "referral" from an "autism" search. I am 21 years old and have been diagnosed with Aspergers since 1996. I just wanted to say hi and how wonderful it is to see that a ....
  • There are a few questions I have under my hat. One of them being that I tend to have too much vaginal fluid/lubrication when aroused. This puts my husband off touching me let alone anything else. I ....
  • Has any of your books ever been translated into DUTCH? My husband doesn't understand why I am so tense and anti-sexual, but I do. He wants and needs information but his English is not sufficient to re ....
  • I suffer from low libido, there is no reason that I feel this way, I just never feel like sex. I love my boyfriend very much and we have been together for 3yrs. What can I do to increase my libido? I ....
  • whenever i go down on my girlfriend she says it tickles and wants me to stop. she says i'm doing it right just it tickles too much for her to handle. i can get her to orgasm through intercourse and ....
  • I am married since 1986, but my husband always abroad he stay with me about one month yearly, he wants to do love evryday and if he can twice daily, we loved each other, but he always tell me that I a ....
  • My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years. Although we have not had intercourse we do enjoy a healthy sexual life. However, my fiance becomes aroused quite easily. He is 24 years old and ....
  • Me and my Husband have been married for 2 years, and my daughter is almost 2. Ever since my daughter has been born I have lost all of my sex drive. I love my partner with all of my heart but I am just ....
  • In my previous relationship of six years I had lots of sex. My partner like to use dildos and she like being eaten out, she liked anal sex. I am in a new relationship now and we decided to start havi ....
  • Oral sex (mutual) is very important to me, but soon after we were married my wife unilaterally decided (without even talking with me about it)that we would no longer engage in oral sex on the grounds ....
  • I'm 31 years old, female and I'm married. I have a problem that is causing me lots of anguish. I have no desire for sex at all. My husband is very attractive. I've been feeling this way after ab ....
  • I am a 29 year old female. I have been married for 6 years and 9 months, and in the past year and a half or so my sex drive has almost completely vanished. My husband and I used to have sex 2-3 times ....
  • I have been dating my girlfriend now for over a year now and we both need an answer to a pressing concern. I have an extremely high sex drive, bordering on compulsive and I react negatively when my pa ....
  • Hi Aline, I'm not sure if you are the right person to ask, or even if I'm asking the right question, but I have been dating my girlfriend now for over a year now and we both need an answer to a pre ....
  • My wife was sexually abused as a child by her brother for a number of years. She has undergone therapy and is doing quite well. She has never been very sexual and i was told by the therapist that is w ....
  • Side effects of high blood pressure meds, specifically Hytrin, have caused my partner to have feelings of asexuality and literally no sexual desire whatsoever. While my partner is perfectly willing t ....
  • I just had a baby about 16 weeks ago. From the time I became pregnant I just don't want anything to do with my husband when it comes to sex. The delivery was easy. And I tried to get pregnant becau ....
  • My husband and I have been married 28 years. I love my husband and enjoy and anticipate sex with him. However, I am very frustrated over his premature ejaculation. I want to be patient and supporti ....
  • I am a 28 year old female who had a baby almost a year ago. Since I gave birth I lost sexual desire. Before the baby I had desire often and my husband and I had a healthy sex life now I have none, zip ....
  • I've been unable to have an erection I could count on for the last ten years (been married for 30!). My doctor recently prescribed Viagra and I'm thrilled with the results. The problem is, my wife d ....
  • I've always had a very high sex drive. In my late teens and 20s I was not very concerned; I though it would simply decrease over time. It hasn't, however, and I'm wondering if there is anything I can ....
  • My husband seems to have an overactive interest in pornography and correspondence with others regarding sex, but doesn't seem to have much interest in intercourse with me. We have a healthy and happy ....
  • My boyfriend (we are both 18) has lost his sex drive. He doesn't want to do anything sexual (kissing etc). He says he still loves and finds me sexually attractive, but doesn't want sexual activity w ....
  • I fear that a man I have fallen in love with may in fact be a masochist. As the relationship progressed, there have been subtle hints that lead me to believe this. I also feel that he struggles with t ....
  • my partener has low sex drive and i have high or normal his sex drive has gone less and less for the last three years we have been together 6 years please help i get upset as i fell he dosnt love me h ....
  • MY BOYFRIEND AND I USED TO HAVE A VERY HEALTHY AND ENJOYABLE SEX LIFE. WE WOULD HAVE SEX 3-6 TIMES A WEEK, SOMETIMES FOR HOURS AT A TIME. ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO HE LOST HIS JOB, HIS BILLS GOT BEHIND AND ....
  • i want to know what i can do to "get in the mood" when my husband is. I fantasize and masterbait but when he's ready i'm not, never, i love him very much but it just is not there, this has also happen ....
  • My partner is 48 yrs old and I am 33. We have been together 3 yrs. He has no sexual desire. There is lots of cuddling, and closeness, but no passion on his part. I find him very attractive. We ha ....
  • My girlfriend and myself have been involven in a serious relationship for close to four years now. We are both 20 years old and love each other very much. For the past two years her desire to have s ....
  • I have been married for 10 years and in the last 4 years or so I will find myself attempting to have sex with my wife in the middle of our sleeping. Usually 2-4 in the morning. Most times I don't re ....
  • I DON'T FEEL SEXUAL DESIRE TOWARDS MY BOYFRIEND.
  • I just got married in June, and things have been well, but my husband has a much higher sex drive than myself. I think he would love to have sex twice a day. I'm a twice a month sort of person. This h ....
  • Hey who are you doing? I have a problem with my boyfriend because he's wanting to have sex a lot (he said he's addicted to it) and I don't want to have sex right now, even though I am very much at ....
  • My husband and I had a baby nine months ago and our relationship seems to be on a down hill slide. We have had sex no more t ....
  • I need to talk to someone about my wife's and my problems. they are issues that are intimate and I need help solving ....
  • My wife and I have been married for two years and only had sex after getting married. The problem is that my wife' ....
  • I am a woman of 34 years old and my husband is 44. We are married for 8 years and we have 2 children. My problem i ....
  • Frigid wife of 22yrs never had big O. Doesn't like any foreplay. No oral sex. Can't touch Breasts. Can't lick,kiss or anythi ....
  • I am a 26 yr old female, and my question pertains to the lack of sexual desire. I have seen many Q & A's in here about sexua ....
  • I am desperately seeking advice on low testosterone. I gave birth 18 months ago I have lost my sex drive completely My gyn ....
  • I am 51 and am seeing a gentleman who is 42. The problem is that every time that we are together we have sex 10+ times a da ....
  • My husband is 37 years old. We have been married for 8 years. We have no children. He has been having problems stayi ....
  • My boyfriend of 1 year has a history of having sex with pre-operative male cross-dressers. Neither of us understand the 'r ....
  • I was just wondering if it is normal to not want to have sex all the time. My boyfriend says that I should be entering my sexual peak. I ....
  • What is sexual aversion disorder and where and how can I learn more about it?
  • I am a 41 year old female who, while visiting my paramour in another state, innocently found 3 copies o "sample bondage contracts" and several other disconcerting items. Although we've discussed this ....
  • I am a 42 year old female - and my fiance is the same age. We have been together over 2 years and plan on marrying in 6 months. The problem is the lack of sexual relations/desire on his part. My ....
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