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To Videotape or Not to Videotape?
(01/29/2008) by Joy Davidson
What do Frasier star Kelsey Grammer, super-rocker Kid Rock and heiress Paris Hilton have in common? Each has been entangled in a legal dispute over a racy home video, and their exploits were splashed all over the news.
But gone are the days when a sex tape could automatically destroy a career. In the 1980’s, when actor Rob Lowe’s sex tape became public, his rising star nosedived. But fast forward twenty-some years and the existence – even sale on the internet! – of homemade sex tapes seems to boost careers. Whether the public is clamoring for a glimpse of Colin Farrell or Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, the message is clear: home sex tapes are among a celeb’s hottest properties. In fact, some public figures have been accused of (or have even admitted to) orchestrating the "leak" for their own gain.
Where celebrities go, ordinary folks follow, so its no surprise that video and web cams have become today’s trendiest bedroom accessories. Couples-next-door are growing bolder and more creative in putting their erotic lives on display – either for personal viewing or to add to the growing library of amateur erotic videos on the internet. Since glitterati endorsements virtually eliminated any stigma to making home sex tapes, those who couldn’t have imagined themselves baring it all for the camera a few years back are asking each other, "well...why not?"
If you, too, are wondering, "Should we or shouldn’t we?" here are some points to consider, pro and con, and a word of advice on each:
THE REVEAL
Pro: There’s an exhibitionist and a little voyeur in all of us. Taping our own juicy exploits can satisfy both urges. And, especially if nobody but you and your co-star enjoy the result, indeed, why not? If you choose to do the tape for your own personal pleasure, and don’t share it on the internet, then nobody else will see it. Of course, if you both create the tape or web cam session with the intent to share it with the public in an appropriate way, then worry not, just enjoy yourself – other people seeing it is the point!
Con: In cases where private, personal tapes have been leaked to the public without the permission of all persons in the tape, there’s a good chance the ex-lover or ex-spouse is the culprit. Even if you plan on keeping the tape for your personal viewing only, there’s a chance it might not stay private. While you’re cocooning with the one you love, it’s difficult to imagine such a betrayal, but an ex who feels scorned and pissed-off could turn against you, and turn your sex tape into an embarrassing family or community revelation. Remember, the person who has the least to lose by making a tape public is the one who is most likely to publish it. If you do decide to make a tape that you intend to upload online, you need to weigh the risks carefully – not just today, but for the future. In ten years you may not want a coworker to come across you and your lover "doing Dallas"!
Advice: If your relationship is unsteady and a partner pressures you to expose yourself to prove a point – their point – you’re likely to regret giving in. Erotic tapes should be made with feelings of shared fun and frolic. If one of you feels threatened or intimidated into making a taped concession, or if you think doing so will smooth the rough edges in your relationship, I offer one word of advice: Don’t! Your relationship needs help on levels that a skin flick can neither address nor appease. Forget the camera for now – unless you want to start taping your therapy sessions. However, if you’re both comfortable with what you’re doing, whether or not you plan to share it with others, then go ahead!
THE RORSCHACH
Pro: Watching yourself making love can tell you more about yourself than you might expect. If you watch your tape like an observer, you could see yourself in surprising new ways. Perhaps you’ll see the beauty in your own arousal; your expressions, the feline grace of your body, or the rippling muscles on your thighs that the camera captures, but your own eyes don’t. You might find you’re just as active or responsive as you’d like to be – or not. You’ll get to ask: does what you feel match how you behave? Do you hold back more than you thought? Is the sight of your restraint a stronger message to let go than any advice you’ve heard before? Are there aspects of your sexual style you’d like to change, or ways you’d like to demand more of yourself?
Con: It’s easy to see only what you expect to see – especially if you expect to see something negative. If you have body image anxieties, you might concentrate only on details you find distasteful, even though your partner sees a complete, highly desirable you.
Advice: If your only worry has to do with what you might learn about yourself from a tape, maybe it’s time to take a private risk. If you promise yourself that you’ll use the input you gather to develop your sexual spirit and enrich your relationship, your own video cam lessons might be the best sex ed course you could ever take.
THE RELATIONSHIP
Pro: Watching yourself making love can offer surprising perspectives on your relationship. So often we take all the good stuff for granted and focus only on what isn’t working. It’s important to give equal attention to your relationship’s assets. A cam session might show how well you connect, bring added dimension to intimacy and inspire appreciation for all that you do right.
Con: You might see glaring problems in your sexual relationship, and while that isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it shows you where you need to put some effort – the truth can sometimes be hard to take. Maybe the camera reveals that you’re just as passive as your partner complains you are. Or maybe sex really does last ten minutes from first kiss to final quiver, and variety is sorely lacking. Not a pretty picture.
Advice: If you can handle the truth live, unedited, as it plays out on screen, your camera can offer you the gift of awareness. Utilized wisely, that can be the first step in enhancing your sexual connection. Even though webcams and turn-on tapes are generally considered mere erotic novelties, they can bring you invaluable information and insight, too.
Source: www.loveandhealth.info This article appears in the following topics:
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