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New Year's Sexual Resolutions
(12/27/2007) by Petra Zebroff
Forget the gym, or the weight loss clinic, every year I make the same New Year’s resolution … have MORE sex. Usually it takes the form of setting aside time for play, even scheduling dates to relax and enjoy my body and my partner.
But like every other type of New Year’s resolution I often fall short of my goal. Life gets unruly, too many important meetings, tall bills to pay and family to worry about. When all that worrying is done all I want to do is sleep. By the end of the year I feel like I missed out on the pleasure I could so easily enjoy in my twenties, I miss the distraction of fantasy, the stress reduction of frequent orgasm and connection with my partner.
As I talked about my disappointment at a Libida meeting I realized I was not alone. Everyone seemed to want MORE sex. But as we interviewed more and more people we discovered that every definition of a sexual resolution was unique. Yes, MORE was the overall theme, but within that were some pretty unique and interesting twists we did not expect.
Here are the sexual resolutions from a variety of people, software engineers to bill collectors, to business owners to yoga instructors and stay home moms:
* Use more sexy props. “Before I became a mother I spent a lot of time thinking about planning sexy “events”. It usually involved shopping for sexy props to use with my partner to develop unbelievably exciting fantasies. I would spend days, even weeks, preparing scenarios that usually involved some sort of fur restraints, a riding crop, or a studded collar with a leash or an anal plug… I want to do that again. My lover is not into it nearly as much as I would like but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the prep myself. And maybe he will join in my enthusiasm.”
---Beatrice is a 42 year old Psychologist married with two children
* Take a class in Tantra. “I have been married for several years and would like to control how, when and for how long I orgasm (and frankly I would like my partner to last longer when I need him to). Although my knowledge of Tantra is quite limited I like what I hear. I want to connect more with my body and to appreciate my body through the control of it. I can commit to a class every week.”
--- Stephanie is a 32 married Bill Collector.
* Get a lover (other than my fiancé). “I am engaged to be married and in a non-monogamous relationship. I love my finance very much. We have been together for three years and have always both agreed on a non-monogamous lifestyle. This lifestyle, however, is not nearly as exciting as it seems. Both of us work so much it is difficult to get the time to act on it. Our sex life has suffered from too much stress, too much work and the “seriousness” of real life. This year I want to spice up things for myself and for my relationship by flirting with (and exploring) someone new.”
---Zoila is a 40 year old business owner in a long term relationship.
* Set aside more time to be sexual. Not just to actually have sex, but to daydream and flirt and explore and communicate. Part of that involves learning how to dance (the kind that makes you feel sexy). My resolution is to find more time to spend on all of the intimacies that come with great sexual relationships.
---Steve is a 44 year old architect living with his girlfriend.
* Get more in my body sexually. I was thinking a good way to do this would be to take a sacred erotic dance this year. My partner has always wanted me to dance seductively for him but I must admit I've had a hard time opening myself to that.
---Jill is 33 years old and engaged.
* I'd like to explore prostate stimulation. I hear the orgasms are totally different from traditional orgasms. I'd like to be able to experiment with it by myself and with a partner.
---Toby, 36 year old in a five year relationship.
* Talking dirty has always intrigued me. And I know I respond to it when my partners do it to me. I'd like to be able to get comfortable with it and then let it fly during lovemaking.
---Krystal, 53 year old mother of four.
One unexpected and very welcome outcome of this little exercise was a whole lot of open communication allowing us to learn what sexual endeavors our partners wanted to explore in the new year while we express our own unique desires.
Source: www.libida.com
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