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Sex Matters for Women(05/04/2004) by Sallie Foley, M.S.W., Sally A. Kope, M.S.W., & Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D. Women have more sexual freedom and a greater sense of sexual entitlement than ever before. But, there's a knowledge and know-how gap that women of all ages fall into, because there simply haven't been reality-based resources to help women know how to take charge of their sexuality and keep their bodies and souls healthy and happy. Until now. Guilford Press's new book, Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self by three acclaimed sex therapists, presents solid, science-based information that women need--and want--from how to have more satisfying sex, to questions about hormones, anatomy, STDs, body image, relationships, sexual orientation, sex and illness, puberty, menopause, arousal, and masturbation. Making advice relevant. Sex Matters for Women authors Sallie Foley, M.S.W., Sally Kope, M.S.W., and Dennis Sugrue, Ph.D., explain: "There is no lack of information about sex, but there is a lack of relevant information for women. Women's magazines regularly offer lists on how to find time for sex, how to be pleasing, how to heighten arousal, but they rarely ground the advice in the imperfect contexts in which most women find themselves." These authors argue that up-to-date scientific information must be provided with tools to help women expunge sexual myths, recognize inhibiting gender roles, manage distorted body image, and cope with their particular health status. But how do women make sexual information relevant to their lives? The authors offer three major steps to women: Step one. Know your sexual story. This means reviewing your sexual development, from early childhood, your sexual history, including the discovery of masturbation and initial sexual encounters, and the cultural messages you've received and carried about sexuality. Step two. Understand your body. Research routinely points out how little most women know about their own anatomy and sexuality. Women develop a positive sexual identity and sexual confidence when they know more about hormones and sexual functioning, and when they are more familiar with their anatomy. Step three. Make peace with your body. Cultural messages about the importance of being youthful, shapely, thin, or light-skinned can prevent a woman from feeling sexually desirable and in turn, express sexual desire. Overcoming these messages contributes to a healthy sexual identity, but this is no simple matter. After years of helping women love their bodies, the authors know and address the special steps and considerations that are necessary, especially for people who have experienced abuse, vaginal pain, an STD, or who live with illness or disability. Sex Matters for Women dedicates a section to each of these key three steps, and then goes on to discuss how to create a better sexual relationship and how to overcome sexual difficulties such as declining sexual arousal or orgasm difficulties. Get real! Good sex doesn't come naturally. Many women enter sexual relationships with the expectation that it will come easily to two people who love and desire each other. The authors explain, however, that "Sustaining a satisfying sexual relationship, especially one that fosters mutual growth, requires honest communication, knowledge and exploration, experimentation and practice, generosity, understanding, and even a healthy sense of humor." Case in point: sexual initiation. Question is, what does this "get real" advice look like? Consider the authors’ observation: Couples can sometimes worry about the "balance of power" and who initiates sex more? "It's dangerous to over-interpret the meaning of a partner shying away from initiating sex. It isn't proof that the partner doesn't enjoy sex. Instead, it's usually a reflection that the partner's arousal pattern is different from the initiator's. As long as the couple enjoys physical intimacy, our response to the initiator who complains that his or her partner doesn't initiate it is 'So what?'" Can we talk about orgasms? If there are myths about initiating sex, there are lots of jokes about the "mysteries" of women's orgasms. And the "shoulds" of female orgasm have proliferated and morphed since Masters and Johnson's studies of the sexual response cycle half a century ago. Free-floating myths that women should be multi-orgasmic or that women should have orgasms in intercourse every time can leave women and their partners frustrated and disappointed when their reality doesn't match these expectations. Turns out that orgasms and arousal for women involve a complex of self-knowledge, experience, and anatomical information. The authors answer such common questions as: · Are all women capable of having multiple orgasms? (No, nor should this be considered the premier standard of sexual responsiveness.) · Is it a sexual problem if a woman doesn't have orgasms with intercourse? (No, not unless you think it is a problem. If you are enjoying sex, no orgasm is no problem.) · Is there a G spot? (Yes, it is a small area of tissue on the front-upper wall of the vagina, and it responds to direct sexual stimulation.) When women's sexual problems go well beyond concern about multiple orgasms. When a medical problem exists or when psychological issues distract women from eroticism, bodies will often fail to function normally in a sexual situation. Problems like lost interest, lack of focus, compulsive sex, inability to orgasm, or pain before during or after sex--genital or non genital—can seem like they are mental problems. Women can be lead to believe that such problems are “all in her head.” That’s why, according to the authors, a woman deserves to know that these sexual problems are real. They explain, though, that the solutions may be in her head. There are steps and exercises a woman can follow alone, and then share with her partner, in order to overcome impediments to full sexual expression. Sex Matters for Women provides detailed, readable, respectful information and guidance on women's sexuality. As Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., says about Sex Matters, "This is the thinking woman's guide to sexual health." Sex Matters For Women: A Complete Guide To Taking Care Of Your Sexual Self Sallie Foley, M.S.W., Sally A. Kope, M.S.W., & Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D. (2002) 366 pp., $17.95 trade paper; $35.00 hardcover. Available through the link on the right hand side, or in bookstores and from Guilford Press at 800-365-7006 or www.guilford.com ISBN 1-57230-641-6 paper ISBN 1-57230-700-5 hardcover This article appears in the following topics: |
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